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Valhalley of the Dolls, Part 1/Script

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Written by: Brad Kern

Season 6, Episode 01

Episode Number: 112

[Scene: On the beach. A KQSF Beach Bash is taking place. Smash Mouth is performing on a stage. A large crowd of people in swimwear are dancing along. The song ends and everyone cheers. Phoebe and Chad the DJ, are sitting under a canvas shade shelter holding microphones.]

Chad: Give it up for Smash Mouth! Let's here it, come on! Hanging Chad coming back live at the KQSF annual Beach Bash. Winding it up with our special guest, the stunningly, beautiful, Phoebe Halliwell, the Ask Phoebe fame. Okay, so what's your deal? Are you psychic, is that it?

Phoebe: I'm sorry?

Chad: I mean, you gotta be don't you? Your column has skyrocketed, all the critics rave about how amazingly insightful your advice is. How else do you explain it?

Phoebe: I just think I read people really well.

Chad: Oh, you do, do you? Can you read me?

(The crowd cheers.)

Phoebe: I don't know, write a letter and we'll see.

Chad: Come on, give it a shot.

Crowd: Yeah!

Chad: You guys wanna see her do it, dontcha?

Crowd: Yeah! (They applaud.)

Phoebe: Oh, alright, alright. Ah, what do you want advice on?

Chad: Okay, let's see. There's this woman that I like and I'd like to ask her out but I'm afraid she'll say no. What should I do?

(Phoebe looks at Chad and thinks.)

Phoebe: Well, why don't you just ask me and find out?

(Phoebe laughs. The crowd applauses.)

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Chris is standing back from the Book of Shadows' stand. He is chewing on a pen as he flips the pages with telekinetic powers. He stops at a page that reads Trok Demon and walks closer to the Book of Shadows. He takes the pen out of his mouth and writes something down on a notepad. Suddenly, a portal opens up in the attic and Mist, a Valkyrie walks out of it.]

Chris: Hey, are you out of your mind? What are you doing here?

Mist: Freyja sent me. She wants to know what's taking so long.

Chris: Freyja? You know, for a mythical character she sure does worry a lot.

Mist: She's not the only one who's worried. He's an Elder, Chris. How much longer do you really expect us to keep him?

Chris: Don't tell me he's complaining.

Mist: Yes, a lot, actually.

Chris: I don't believe it. Banish the guy to an island filled with beautiful women and he still complains. I can't win.

Mist: How much longer?

Chris: Until I'm ready. Look, I'm sorry but I haven't finished what I came here to do yet. And I need Leo out of the way until I can. More importantly, the sisters can't find him before I'm ready or else...

Mist: I know. We all understand the risks.

Chris: I'd never hurt you, Mist. (He moves closer to her.) You know that.

Mist: You would if you had to. I know that too.

Piper: (from downstairs) Chris, are you up there?

Chris: You better go.

(They kiss.)

Mist: Please... (the portal opens) Hurry.

(Mist walks into the portal and it closes. Piper walks in carrying a basket of laundry.)

Piper: Hey, do you have any laundry?

Chris: Ahh... (He seems distracted.) No. No. I'm good, thanks. I'm gonna get your sisters though. You have another demon to vanquish.

Piper: Okey-dokey.

(She leaves the room.)

[Scene: On the beach. Chad is pouring some juice into a cup at the refreshment table. Phoebe walks up to him.]

Phoebe: Hi. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you back there.

Chad: Hey, I'm just glad it was only on the radio.

Phoebe: I don't know why I answered like that. It was...

Chad: Dead on, that's what it was. It's exactly what I was feeling. Nervous about asking you out.

Phoebe: Really? You were? Well, then maybe I should ask you out and just take the pressure off. Oh! (laughs) I just don't know what's the matter with me. It's gotta be the heat or something.

(Chris orbs in behind a van near by.)

Chad: Bayview Cafe, say 1:00?

Phoebe: I'll be there.

(Chris comes out from behind the van and walks towards Phoebe.)

Chris: Phoebe.

Phoebe: Chris, what are you doing here?

Chad: Um, listen, I gotta get back. Don't be late.

Phoebe: I won't be.

(Chad walks away. Phoebe raises her eyebrows at Chris.)

Chris: Trok Demon, remember?

Phoebe: Oh, Chris, get a life.

Chris: Come on.

Phoebe: Uff.

[Scene: Neighbourhood. Paige is running down the sidewalk holding onto five dog leads. She is having trouble controlling the dogs.]

Paige: Stop! Stop! Please? (She lets go of the leads and the dogs run down the sidewalk.) Sit! Heal! (She looks around and then orbs out. She orbs back in in front of the dogs.) Stop! (The dogs stop.) I gotta get a real job.

(She picks up the leads. Chris orbs in behind her.)

Chris: Trok Demon.

Paige: What now? Can't you see I'm working?

(A bulldog starts humping Paige's leg.)

[Cut to the manor. Phoebe's there. Chris and Paige orb in with the five dogs.]

Phoebe: Alright, can we get this started because I have to go... (She notices the dogs.) Where did they come from?

Paige: He wouldn't let me take them back first.

Phoebe: Back?

Paige: Yeah, I'm a... dog walker. The temp agency messed up.

Chris: Okay, do you guys mind? We have to summon the Trok Demon while he's still on our plane. Piper!

Phoebe: Oh, Chris, lighten up. Sending us after all these demons is getting to be a real drag.

Paige: Yeah, you're working us like dogs.

Chris: I don't see Piper complaining.

Phoebe: No, because Piper doesn't complain about anything anymore. Ever since Leo left to become an Elder, all she does is walk around the house all... chipper.

Chris: So?

Paige: So, it's unusual. What's worse, it's not Piper.

(Piper walks down the stairs carrying Wyatt. She's on the phone.)

Piper: I'd love to have a play date. Maybe we could call Jenny and she can bring baby Josie. And then I'll bring the juice and maybe bake some muffins and... (She sees the dogs.) Aww, how cute!

(She walks into the kitchen.)

Phoebe: She's getting worse.

Paige: Definitely.

Phoebe: (to Chris) Do you have a spell?

Chris: Right out of the book. (He hands her a piece of paper.) After you summon him, make sure Piper freezes him. Otherwise you'll never get the spell off.

Paige: Here, take these guys to the attic, they'll be fine there.

Chris: Wait, me?

Paige: Yeah, you. Go.

(She hands Chris the leads and the dogs pull him upstairs. Piper walks in all cheery. She's wearing an apron.)

Piper: Alrighty, are we ready?

Paige: Alrighty.

Piper: Phoebe, have I told you how much I love your new 'do. It's fabulous.

Phoebe: Very chipper. Okay, let's do this. You take this. (Phoebe hands Paige the spell. Piper grins. Phoebe closes her eyes and concentrates. Suddenly, a two-headed demon with one eye on each head appears.) Piper, freeze him. (Piper blows off one of his heads. He whimpers. Piper giggles.) What did you do that for?

Piper: I don't know, I didn't mean to.

(The Trok Demon roars and sends the girls flying across the room. They land on the floor. Phoebe grabs the spell.)

Phoebe: "From other worlds far and near, let's get him the Trok, out of here." (The Trok Demon bursts into flames and is vanquished. Piper smiles.) Is everybody okay?

Piper: Yeah, that was awesome.

(Phoebe rolls her eyes.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Paige walks in with her hand against her shoulder. Chris follows her in.]

Paige: What kind of Whitelighter can't heal?

Chris: For the record, you can't heal either.

Paige: I'm half-whitelighter. How come you didn't tell us about this before we hired you?

Chris: Because you didn't hire me. I was assigned by the Elders.

(Phoebe walks in carrying a tube of cream.)

Phoebe: Any other little surprises you would like the share with us?

Chris: No. (Phoebe sits down beside Paige.) Look, I haven't been a Whitelighter very long, okay? And healing, it's big, and takes a little while to learn how to do.

(Phoebe dabs some cream on Paige's shoulder.)

Phoebe: Great. Student-lighter.

Paige: Okay, you could've told us about this like, I don't know, maybe a month ago.

Phoebe: Well, I know one thing for sure, we're gonna stop all this demon fighting for a while.

Chris: Wait, why?

Piper's Voice: Can somebody please fold the towels in the dryer when it's done?

Phoebe: That's why.

(Piper walks in carrying Wyatt and her purse.)

Piper: I put a casserole in the oven, you can check it in about an hour or so. I will be at the club if you need me. Have fun!

(Piper leaves.)

Phoebe: Oh my god, she is so sad.

Paige: Sad? Where are you getting sad from?

Chris: How about this. Three more demons, then we can talk about taking a little break.

Paige: What, do you have a quota or something?

Chris: Look, I've already told you this before. I know from future knowledge that a demon is gonna come after Wyatt. These are all pre-empted strikes.

Phoebe: Okay, look, Chris, we like you a lot. But we have been doing this a lot longer than you have. Trust me, you have to pace yourself and you gotta let us have a life. (She looks at her watch.) Ooh, speaking of which, I have to go get ready for my lunch date.

(She stands up.)

Paige: Oh, I didn't know your boss was back in town.

Phoebe: No, it's not with Jason, it's with Chad, the DJ, who I'm not really interested in.

Chris: Two demons, how about that? Two.

Phoebe: No, Chris. And especially not until we figure out what's wrong with Piper, and more importantly Piper's powers.

Paige: I swear, I think Leo did something to her before he left.

Phoebe: You know what? I think it's about time we orb him down here and ask him.

Chris: I don't think that's possible.

Phoebe: Well, then make it possible. Look, even if he doesn't care about Piper as his wife, as an Elder he at the very least should care about what happened to her powers.

Chris: I can't.

Paige: Yeah, you can. You just go up there and tell him to get his butt down here.

Chris: That's not why I can't. Look, I didn't wanna tell you this because I didn't want to worry you two but... Leo's missing.

Phoebe: What?

Paige: Missing? How long?

Chris: Since the last time you saw him. Anyway, the Elders think he's been kidnapped.

Phoebe: By whom?

[Scene: A war zone. A helicopter flies past. Soldiers pull wounded men onto a jeep. It drives away. One soldier runs towards a burning jeep and gets shot multiple times. He falls to the ground. He lifts his head to see a portal open up in front of him. Mist walks out of the portal.]

Soldier: What the...

Mist: Shhh. It's alright. You don't have to be afraid. You're one of the chosen few. (The soldier dies and his spirit rises out of his body. The spirit stands up and looks at himself, confused.) Don't worry, I promise you'll understand soon enough.

(She removes the lid off a small bottle and the spirit is sucked into it. She puts the lid back on and steps back into the portal.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: P3. There are toddlers there playing with toys. Piper walks over to the bar with Darryl and Sheila following her.]

Sheila: You are amazing, Piper.

Piper: Sorry?

Sheila: I mean, seriously, I don't know how you do it. I mean, I could barely take care of myself when little Darryl was a baby, let alone run a day care.

Piper: Well, you know, nobody was using the club during the day anyway and I was running out of room at home with all of Wyatt's play dates.

Sheila: Well, I think it's great, really. I mean, especially with everything you're going through.

(Darryl and Sheila look at each other.)

Piper: What?

Darryl: Sheila's just been a little concerned about you lately. You know, with Leo and all.

Sheila: I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you. Do you ever even talk to him?

Piper: Oh, no, it's probably against the rules. But, you know, no use crying over spilt milk, and besides, you know, I've just got to push ahead for Wyatt. Well, better get these treats to the little ones. (She picks up a tray of snacks.) Um, is Darryl junior staying late?

Darryl: Yeah.

Sheila: Uh, yeah, yeah.

Piper: Super. (Piper walks over to the toddlers.) Hey, guys.

Darryl: I gotta get back to the station.

(Phoebe and Paige walk in.)

Phoebe: Hi, guys.

Sheila: Hey.

Darryl: Hi.

(Phoebe looks at Sheila.)

Phoebe: Whoa. What's the matter?

Sheila: Sorry?

Phoebe: Something's bothering you, I can tell.

Paige: Phoebe?

Phoebe: What? Oh, sorry.

Darryl: So, Piper's doing fine, huh?

Phoebe: Yeah, but you don't think she is.

Paige: Don't mind her she's just being a little annoying. Um, would you excuse us for a second?

Sheila: Yeah, sure.

Darryl: Yeah.

Sheila: See you later.

(Darryl and Sheila leave.)

Paige: What is going on with you?

Phoebe: I don't know, it's weird. Lately I've just been feeling a lot of weird vibes, I don't know what it is.

Paige: Vibes? Check it out, I can really, really only deal with one whacked out sister at a time.

Phoebe: Huh, got it.

Paige: Piper? (They walk over to Piper.) Piper, you got a minute?

Piper: Uh, can't it wait?

Phoebe: No, actually, it can't. It's about Leo.

Piper: Oh, did he call?

Paige: Not exactly.

Phoebe: There's no easy way to break this to you so I'm just going to come out and say it. Leo's missing. We just found out that the Elders haven't heard from him since he left us to join them.

Piper: Wow.

Phoebe: So did he happen to say anything to you the last time you saw him that could potentially help?

Piper: No. All I remember him saying is that he was leaving to become an Elder and I wished him good luck.

Phoebe: That's it? That was your big goodbye?

Piper: Yeah, as far as I can remember. But I wouldn't worry about it too much, he'll turn up sooner or later. Excuse me.

(Piper turns back to the babies.)

Paige: So much for that shocking her back into reality, huh?

Phoebe: Unfortunately, I think only Leo can do that.

[Scene: An island in the middle of the Indian Ocean. A beautiful rainforest. Mist walks down a path into a clearing. Men are there training to fight. Some are making weapons. Mist walks past a Valkyrie Trainer.]

Valkyrie Trainer: Greetings, Mist. (One of the men training flips in mid-air. He falls on his butt. The Valkyrie Trainer helps him up.) You under rotated. Now watch.

(She flips in mid-air and lands on her feet.)

[Cut to Mist. She is walking through the rainforest. Two other Valkyries, Freyja and Kara wander out of the shrubs. Freyja, the head Valkyrie, kisses Mist on each cheek.]

Freyja: You were gone a while, Mist. I was beginning to worry.

Mist: I wanted you to be pleased.

(Mist opens the small bottle a releases the soldier's spirit.)

Kara: Cute. But can he fight?

Mist: Like no other.

Freyja: We'll see.

Soldier: Am I in heaven?

Freyja: Warrior heaven. Until I see how well you go against our champion, anyway.

(She blows on the soldier and he becomes corporeal.)

[Cut to a cave. A large cage is there. The soldier is thrown into it. A Valkyrie waves her hand and it locks. Six Valkyries including Freyja and Mist sit across the room, watching.]

Soldier: What do you want from me?

Freyja: We want you to fight.

(A man wearing leather armor, a metal helmet and wielding a sword and shield walks into the cage. He kicks up a shield and the soldier catches it. The two men fight. The man slashes the soldier across his stomach and he falls to the ground.)

Freyja: He fought well enough. Heal him, get him into training.

(They all stand up. One Valkyrie opens the cage and grabs the soldier.)

Valkyrie: Come.

Man: What about me?

(The man tears off his helmet. It's Leo.)

Leo: I don't belong here and you know it!

Freyja: No? You're an Elder aren't you? You have much to teach my warriors.

(Leo looks around at the cage.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Chris is looking out the window. Paige is scrying for Leo on three maps - a map of San Francisco, the world, and the solar system. Phoebe walks in.]

Phoebe: Where exactly are you trying to find Leo? Jupiter?

Paige: Well, when an Elder gets kidnapped, they're probably not gonna just take him to Chinatown, right? I think everything is game, even the cosmos.

Phoebe: Still, I don't see how the crystal's gonna find him. Especially not without something of his to focus it better.

(Paige picks up one of Leo's shirts.)

Paige: I've got one of his plaid shirts.

Phoebe: I was thinking something a little more special than that.

Paige: Leo loved those shirts. His entire closet's full of them.

(Phoebe suddenly turns to Chris.)

Phoebe: What's your problem?

(He looks around.)

Chris: Huh?

Phoebe: You're nervous, I can feel it.

Paige: Hm, watch your vibes.

(Phoebe walks over to Chris.)

Chris: I just think you guys should be focusing on helping Piper, not Leo.

Phoebe: Ha, I was right.

Paige: Hey, finding Leo could help us with Piper.

Chris: Well, then you better find another way because you are not gonna find him. (There's silence.) I mean, you haven't found him yet, have you? I'm telling you, you've just got to leave it up to the Elders, alright? Just let it go.

Paige: Let it go? He's Wyatt's father.

Phoebe: And our brother-in-law.

Chris: Ex-brother-in-law. Look, I'm just trying to get you two to focus on your sister here. That's all. Because with her powers messed up, you guys are all at risk.

Paige: He's right.

Phoebe: I know. But if Leo did do something to block Piper's pain, how do we unblock it without him?

(Paige gets an idea.)

Paige: A magical laxative.

Phoebe: Okay, eww.

Paige: But think about it. If we can write a spell to help her remember her pain, I don't know, it could even help us find Leo. (Phoebe picks up the phone and dials a number.) Who are you calling? Spells-R-Us?

Phoebe: No, I'm calling the Bayview Cafe. I'm gonna cancel my lunch date with Chad, which I'm already late for.

Voice on Phone: Bayview Cafe.

Phoebe: Hi, can I speak to Chad Carson please? I was supposed to meet him for...

Voice on Phone: Yes, he couldn't make it.

Phoebe: What?

Voice on Phone: He called and he cancelled.

Phoebe: He cancelled?

Voice on Phone: Yes.

Phoebe: Wait, are you sure? 'Cause he didn't even call...

Voice on Phone: He told us to let you know that he's very sorry.

(Phoebe hangs up.)

Phoebe: Huh! He stood me up.

Chris: Wait, weren't you just calling to cancel on him?

Phoebe: Yeah, but I called him. That's cancelling. He called the restaurant. That's standing up.

(Paige nods in agreement.)

Chris: Oh.

Phoebe: This doesn't make any sense, I don't understand. He liked me, he really liked me, I felt it.

Paige: Well, um, excuse me, it didn't seem like your heart was in it anyway. (Phoebe puts down the phone and heads for the door.) Where are you going? We have a spell to write.

Phoebe: And I have a DJ to grill.

[Scene: On the beach. KQSF Beach Bash. A man is cooking sausages on a barbeque. He places a sausage on Chad's hot dog bun.]

Cook: Here you go, Chad.

Chad: Thanks, Billy.

(Phoebe walks up to Chad.)

Phoebe: Hey, I hear they have hotdogs at the Bayview Cafe.

Chad: Phoebe, what are you doing here?

Phoebe: That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.

Chad: Listen, I can explain.

Phoebe: That's good, because that's why I'm here. I was just hoping you could help me understand something that's baffled women since the beginning of time. Why don't men call after they ask us out? And why do they cancel at the last minute and even worse, stand us up.

Chad: Look, I'm sorry, but I had something really important come up.

(Phoebe gets a vibe.)

Phoebe: Are you intimidated by me?

Chad: What?

Phoebe: Because you weren't intimidated by me when you asked me out.

Chad: Hold on, you asked me out, remember?

Phoebe: Oh, wait, are you saying that you didn't want me though? Because I know you did, I felt it.

Chad: Whoa, wait a minute.

(Phoebe gets another vibe.)

Phoebe: You don't like successful women.

Chad: I gotta go.

Phoebe: Wait, are you telling me that everything I've worked so hard for in my life, everything I've fought to achieve makes me less attractive to men? Because if that's what you're saying I just... (A little girl falls off her bike near by and scraps her knee. She starts to cry. Her mother tries to calm her.) Just hurts. It hurts so much.

Little Girl: It hurts so much, mummy!

Chad: Don't you think you're overreacting just a little?

Phoebe: No I don't! (She calms down.) Actually, yeah, I do.

Little Girl: It hurts so much, mummy!

(Phoebe looks at the little girl and realises something.)

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige is on the phone. The bulldog starts humping her leg.]

Paige: Sir, what does it matter when I bring the dogs home? Their owners aren't there, that's why I got the job in the first place. (to the bulldog) Why don't you go hump a dog. Did you ever think of that? (on the phone) No, not you, sir. (The other dogs tear up the attic, pulling things apart and jumping on tables.) Look, you know, when I came to the agency, I really went with the idea that I would be helping, you know, people, not animals. And what I really mean to say is that it's, sir, it is time for me to strike out on my own. Yeah, I'll have the dogs back in an hour.

(She hangs up.)

Chris: (from downstairs) Piper's home!

Paige: Coming!

[Cut to downstairs. Chris is carrying a baby in a bassinet. Paige comes down the stairs.]

Paige: Hey, who's that?

Chris: Ask her.

(Chris walks into the conservatory. Piper walks into the hallway.)

Piper: Hi, how's it going?

Paige: How's it going? Uh, what are you doing? (Piper picks up another baby in a bassinet.) Who's babies are these?

Piper: Well, their mummies couldn't pick them up in time so I offered to bring them home for a while.

Paige: Oh, you did? Um, what about, you know, Leo?

Piper: I don't know, what about him? (They walk into the conservatory where Wyatt and the other baby is in a playpen.) Look, Wyatt, look who's here. Another friend for you to play with.

(Chris notices Paige holding onto a piece of paper.)

Chris: Is that the memory spell?

Paige: Yeah.

(Piper puts the second baby in the playpen.)

Piper: And she can stay as long as she likes.

Chris: Cast it.

Paige: "Powers and emotions tide, a witch's heart is where it hides, help her through her agony, bless her with her memory." (A white mist rises out of Piper. She stands up.) Piper? Are you okay?

(She turns around.)

Piper: I'm sorry, do I know you?

(Paige laughs.)

Paige: Very funny.

(Piper looks at Wyatt.)

Piper: Aww, cute. Yours?

Paige: No, yours.

Piper: Mine? What do you mean? Wait, who am I? What am I doing here?

Chris: Great, Paige, you didn't restore her memory, you erased it.

Paige: That's impossible, it's a good spell, I know it. Unless it interacted badly with Leo's magic.

(A fly buzzes around Piper and she waves her arm around. She accidentally blows up a window. She gasps and the babies cry.)

Piper: What happened? How did that happen?

Paige: Uh, it's okay, you're gonna be okay.

Chris: Just don't point at anything, okay? Just keep your hands down. Like this, okay?

Piper: Can somebody please tell me what's going on.

Paige: We're gonna tell you that. Just as soon as we know ourselves. (Paige takes Piper into the living room.) Okay, you come in here and you have a seat and, uh, take a load off. And, um, keep those arms down. (She walks back into the conservatory.) Oh my goodness. Okay, don't freak out because magic got us into this and magic'll get us out. (Wyatt cries loudly. Paige looks over at him. Suddenly, the baby's pacifier orbs out of her mouth and orbs into Wyatt's mouth.) Did you see that?

Chris: See what?

Paige: Wyatt. He orbed his pacifier.

Chris: What?

Paige: I think I know how to find Leo.

Chris: Leo? Will you please forget about Leo.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper is there. Phoebe rushes in all excited. Piper jumps up.]

Phoebe: Piper! Hi! You're never gonna believe this. I think I have a new power. It would certainly explain a lot of my weird behaviour lately like why I wanted to date Chad, why my advice has been so amazingly accurate. I know, this is huge, right? Huge. So what's my new power you ask? Well, I'll tell you. Um, do you remember that empath we helped a couple of years ago? That guy that could feel what other people were feeling?

(Chris walks in.)

Chris: Uh, Phoebe...

Phoebe: Just a sec. I think that's what I am now. An empath. I am an empath. That's my new power. Or at least an advancement of my premonition power, I don't know.

Chris: Neither does she, I'm afraid. No that is, anything. Paige erased her memory.

Piper: Can you blow things up to?

(Phoebe laughs.)

Phoebe: Oh, boy. Paige! (She and Chris go into the conservatory where Paige is holding onto Wyatt while scrying.) What did you do to our sister? Oh, you poor dear. You feel awful about it, don't you? I'm so sorry.

Paige: Thanks, I think.

Chris: That's it? That's all the ass kicking you're gonna go out? You're supposed to be sisters.

Phoebe: She's clearly devastated about this.

Chris: But you can't let her off the hook. You need enough guilt to get her to fix it.

(The crystal points to the Indian Ocean on the map.)

Paige: I think I just fixed it. I think we just found Leo.

Phoebe: We?

(Paige stands up.)

Paige: Yep, Wyatt and me. I mean, nothing's more important to Leo than him, right? (She puts Wyatt back in the playpen.) There you go, big boy. Let's go.

Chris: Go? Go where? It's pointing to the middle of the Indian Ocean.

Paige: There must be something there, I trust Wyatt.

Chris: No, this is crazy.

Phoebe: Chris, she's feeling really strongly about this. (Phoebe stands beside Paige and Paige puts her arm around her.) I have a new power. I'll explain on the way.

Paige: (to Chris) Oh, hey, can you take the dogs back for me? The addresses are in the book.

Chris: No, there's no way. (Paige orbs out with Phoebe. Chris kicks one of Wyatt's toys across the room. Wyatt's force field appears around himself.) If anyone should be protecting themselves, it's me from you.

(Piper walks in and looks at a cabinet. She sees her and Leo's wedding photo.)

[Cut to an island in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Phoebe and Paige are walking down a path in the rainforest.]

Paige: It's so beautiful here, it's like paradise. But why isn't it on the map?

Phoebe: They obviously don't want anyone to know it exists. Like the island has some sort of magical camouflage or something.

Paige: That's a hell of a lot of magic.

Male Voice: Over there.

(Phoebe and Paige hide in the bushes. Three men run down the path, past where Phoebe and Paige are hidden. Once gone, Phoebe and Paige come out of the bushes.)

Paige: That was close, I hope they're not looking for us. (Phoebe gets a vibe and pushes Paige on the ground. She rolls on top of Paige and pushes her elbow on Paige’s throat.) Are you out of your mind? (Phoebe gets out of her vibe and helps Paige stand up. Paige coughs.) I know you’re upset about the memory spell, but this is ridiculous.

Phoebe: I'm so sorry. I must have tapped into what they were feeling.

Paige: Okay, well let them kill me, not you. Let's go look for Leo.

[Cut to the cave. Phoebe and Paige walk in and look around.]

Paige: Anything?

(Leo races into the cage.)

Leo: Phoebe, Paige.

Phoebe: Leo! Oh my god.

Paige: I can't believe it.

Leo: I can't tell you how good it is to see you guys. Hey, you cut your hair.

Phoebe: (happily) Yeah, yeah, you like it?

Paige: Hello, people.

Phoebe: Oh.

Paige: What are you doing in here anyway?

Leo: Somebody put me here, that's what. (Two Valkyries run in.) Watch out!

(The girls turn around and the Valkyries fling them across the room with telekinetic powers. The Valkyries run over to them and they start fighting. The Valkyries hold Paige and Phoebe up against the wall by their necks. Leo grabs two swords and throws them at the Valkyries, stabbing them in the back. They fall to the ground.)

Phoebe: Oh, oh, thank you.

(They go back over to Leo.)

Paige: Wow, Leo, I didn't know you had it in you.

Leo: I've changed. You need to get out of here before the other Valkyries find you. If you orbed in here, they've already been alerted, believe me.

Phoebe: Valkyries? Who are they and what do they want with you?

Leo: You can't orb out from here, it's protected. (They hear voices.) You need to get out of here now. Go, run!

Phoebe: We'll be back.

(Phoebe and Paige run out of the cage and orb out. The Valkyries run in and see the two other Valkyries dead. They look at Leo.)

Leo: I told you, I don't belong here.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Dining Room. Phoebe, Paige, Chris and the bulldog are there. Paige is looking through the Book of Shadows.]

Chris: You could have been killed, you know that? Huh? What were you thinking?

Paige: We were thinking of finding Leo, which we actually did if that matters to you.

Phoebe: What was up with that skirt he was wearing?

Paige: At least the skirt wasn't plaid.

(Phoebe laughs.)

Chris: I don't believe this. It's like neither of you guys are taking this very seriously. (The bulldog barks at Chris.) Hey, do you mind?

Paige: Well, I can't help it if he doesn't like you. Hey, you were supposed to take him back home anyway.

Chris: I tried but the owners weren't there. Besides, the dog, he's not my job, he's yours.

Paige: I know, don't remind me. (The dog growls.) Hey, Oscar, lay down.

(Oscar walks over and lays down beside Paige.)

Phoebe: Aw, look, Paige, I think he likes you.

Paige: Yeah, great, don't tell me you can read his feelings now too.

Phoebe: No, but if I start licking your toes, run. Where's Piper?

Chris: I put her in her room hoping that it might jog her memory. Since nobody else seems to be trying to.

(Paige finds the Valkyries in the Book of Shadows.)

Paige: Here it is. "Valkyries. A powerful race of demigoddesses who scout the battle grounds for dying warriors."

Phoebe: "Then take their souls to Valhalla where they prepare them for the final world battle."

Paige: Valkyries, huh?

Phoebe: Does that mean they're good?

Paige: How can they be good if they've got Leo?

Phoebe: And how did they even get Leo? He's not a dying warrior, he's an Elder.

Chris: Look, why don't you guys concentrate on helping Piper and I'm gonna go fill in the Elders and see what they wanna do.

Phoebe: But Chris, we don't have time for that. We have to go back for Leo now.

Chris: Why? It doesn't sound like he's in any sort of trouble.

Paige: He's only stuck in a cage.

Phoebe: They tried to kill us when we tried to save him.

Chris: My point exactly. It's too dangerous, you're not going back.

Phoebe: Wait, let me get this straight. Are you telling me that you'd rather just let Leo rot there? Is that what you're saying?

Chris: No, but...

Paige: He needs our help.

Phoebe: Not to mention, he may be the only way we have to save Piper.

(Chris sighs.)

Chris: You can't orb into Valhalla undetected. The only way to get there safely is with a Valkyries pendant. But that still won't get you close enough to Leo. He's too well guarded now.

Paige: How do you know all this?

Chris: I've crossed paths with Valkyries before. In the future. Anyway, I can get you the pendants but the only way to get close to Leo is by proving to the Valkyries you're one of them.

Phoebe: How are we supposed to do that?

Chris: Easy. Just arrive with a warrior's soul.

Paige: Oh! Easy.

Phoebe: Where are we supposed to find a warrior's soul?

Chris: Beats me.

(Chris orbs out.)

[Scene: Sewer. A cop is shot. He falls to the ground. The shooter runs out. A portal opens and a Valkyrie walks out of it.]

Leysa: It's alright, you don't have to be afraid. You're a brave warrior. I'll take care of you.

(Chris orbs in.)

Chris: I don't think so, Leysa. Not this time.

Leysa: What are you doing here?

Chris: My plans have changed unfortunately. The witches, they found Leo sooner than I would have liked.

Leysa: That's not my problem. We kept our end of the deal.

Chris: I know. And I'm forever grateful. But I can't risk them finding out what I'm up to. I'm truly sorry. (He tightens his fist and Leysa gasps. She grabs her chest and falls to the floor. Chris walks over to her and takes her necklace.) Forgive me. (Leysa vanishes. Chris kneels beside the wounded cop. He lifts his arm and hesitates. He takes the cop's radio.) Officer down. Eighth avenue sewer, we need an ambulance.

[Scene: Alley. Darryl leads a criminal out of a building into the alley.]

Criminal: You ain't got nothin' on me.

Darryl: Shut up. (He take him over to the car.) Get in there. (Phoebe and Paige orb in nearby and waves him over.) Wait here.

Criminal: Yeah, like I'm going anywhere.

(Darryl shuts the door and goes over to the girls.)

Darryl: Are you out of your mind? What are you doing here?

(He leads them further down the alley.)

Phoebe: Darryl, we need your help.

Darryl: Does this have anything to do with you asking Sheila to watch Wyatt? She just called.

Phoebe: Yes, actually. But we don't have a lot of time. It's about Leo.

Darryl: You found him?

Paige: Actually, yeah, we did.

Phoebe: And we need your help to save him.

Darryl: Sure, you know that, just ask, anything.

Phoebe: Great! We just need to borrow your soul for a couple of hours.

Paige: Yeah, we'll get it right back.

Phoebe: It's perfectly safe, really. You're body will just slip into a coma and as long as we get your soul back in time...

Paige: Which we will.

Phoebe: You'll be fine. Just a little headache, that's all. What do you say?

(Silence.)

Darryl: You're serious, aren't you?

Phoebe: Please, Darryl, it's the only way we can save Leo.

Darryl: No! I ain't doing it.

Phoebe: Darryl, please.

Darryl: No, absolutely not! Listen, I love Leo like a brother but you know, there's a limit to what you ask me to do.

(He turns and walks off mumbling to himself. Paige throws a potion at him and his body drops to the ground, leaving just his soul walking along.)

Paige: Uh, Darryl?

Darryl: What?

(He turns around. Paige points to his body on the ground.)

Darryl: Oh. That's just great.

(Phoebe opens a small bottle and his soul gets sucked into it. She puts on the lid.)

Phoebe: I hope this works.

[Cut to the manor. Living room. Piper and Chris are there. ]

Chris: Just remember everything I told you and you'll be fine, okay?

(He places the Valkyrie's necklace around Piper's neck and it glows. She turns into a Valkyrie herself and is now wearing a leather skirt and sleeveless top. Phoebe and Paige orb in.)

Phoebe: Okay, we got the... Oh my god, what did you do to Piper?

Chris: I turned her into a Valkyrie. And convinced her she's one too. Actually, it wasn't that hard really, considering the fact that her mind is basically a blank.

Paige: But why?

Chris: Because you might need the power of three to get Leo out of Valhalla and this is the only way you'll get her in Valhalla.

Phoebe: Well, if Piper ever gets her memory back, she's gonna kill you.

Chris: Why?

Phoebe: Because she hates wearing those costumes as much as we do.

Paige: Mm-hmm.

Chris: Yeah, well, in that case, you're gonna kill me too.

(He holds out two more Valkyrie necklaces. Paige's eyes widen.)

[Cut to Valhalla. Rainforest path. A portal opens and Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk out all wearing Valkyrie outfits.]

[Cut to the cave. The Valkyries are there. Two pull out a warrior from the cage. Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk in.]

Kara: Can I help you?

Phoebe: We've brought you a warrior.

Kara: Warrior?

Phoebe: Is there a problem?

Freyja: How come I don't recognise you?

(Piper steps forward.)

Piper: Perhaps you'll recognise this. A warrior's spirit worthy of Valhalla.

(She opens the bottle and Darryl's spirit escapes from it.)

Freyja: Well done.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Valhalla. Cave. Darryl, now corporeal, is thrown into the cage, along with a shield and sword. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are sitting near by. A man offers them some fruit but Phoebe shakes her head.]

Paige: Not a bad afterlife if you ask me.

(Darryl looks at the girls.)

Phoebe: You're doing great, honey.

(Leo walks into the cage with the helmet on. He sees Darryl and looks at the girls. Paige waves.)

Paige: Okay, I know how we're gonna save Leo but how are we gonna save Morris?

Phoebe: I have know idea, that's why they call it winging it.

Piper: What are you two talking about?

Phoebe: Nothing.

(Leo and Darryl walk around the cage.)

Freyja: What are you waiting for? Attack!

(Darryl attacks Leo and knocks off his helmet.)

Piper: Leo?

Paige: What are we gonna do?

Phoebe: It's Piper. Her pain is back, do something.

Paige: Uh, kill him!

(Leo kicks Darryl and he falls flat on his back. Leo jumps on him and they roll around the floor.)

Leo: Take the fall.

Darryl: What fall?

(Leo head butts Darryl.)

Leo: Stay down. (Leo stands up and raises his arms.) Yeah!

(The Valkyries are disappointed.)

Piper: What is he doing here? What are we doing here?

Paige: Piper, shh!

(Phoebe feels her pain.)

Phoebe: Ow. Do something.

(Paige stands up.)

Paige: We just wanted to apologise for sending you such a weak warrior. We can get rid of him for you.

Mist: Get rid of him?

Paige: Yeah. You know, like send his spirit onto the hereafter or something.

Freyja: Very well.

(The Valkyries go their separate ways. Piper goes up to the cage.)

Piper: You left me, didn't you?

Phoebe: Potion, potion. (Paige throws a potion at the door and it opens.) We gotta get out of here.

(Leo helps Darryl up.)

[Cut to outside the cave. Leo and Darryl run outside.]

Leo: It's clear!

(Phoebe, Piper and Paige walk outside. Phoebe doesn't look so good.)

Paige: I'll open the portal.

Phoebe: Uh!

(Phoebe grabs her chest.)

Paige: Phoebe.

Phoebe: It's Piper. Her heart is breaking.

Leo: Piper...

Piper: Don't. Stay away from me.

Leo: I promise I will explain everything when we get home but right now we need to go.

Piper: Home? We don't have a home. You left us.

Phoebe: Leo, talk to her!

Leo: I didn't have a choice. I became an Elder, it's not something that I wanted, it's something that just happened.

Piper: Yes, see I know all of this. Why didn't I remember it?

Leo: Because I used my powers so you wouldn't have to. Your anger almost destroyed a city, and then your pain almost destroyed you. I wanted to help you so you wouldn't have to deal with it all at once.

Piper: So you took my feelings away?

Leo: No, never. I was gonna reverse the spell slowly so you could feel a little more every day but then somebody did to this to me, somebody put me here so I couldn't. I'm sorry.

Darryl: Look, I don't wanna rush you two, but we have to go.

Paige: I have to second that.

(Piper shakes her head and looks at Phoebe. The empath inside Phoebe kicks in.)

Phoebe: You bastard. How dare you do this to me. To our son.

Paige: Phoebe?

Phoebe: We had a life together, a family and you destroyed it, you destroyed me. You left me alone to raise our son by myself. How could you do this? How could you do this! (She yelled it so loudly that the camp near by hears.) How could you! (Phoebe punches Leo in the face twice. She suddenly stops before she can hit him a third time. She looks at Piper.) I don't feel Piper anymore.

(They hear voices in the distance.)

Paige: We have to go.

(Paige touches her necklace and the portal opens.)

Phoebe: Come on, Piper, we've gotta go.

Piper: Go? Go where?

Paige: Home, hurry.

(The warriors run down the path.)

Phoebe: We gotta leave her. Come on.

(Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Darryl run into the portal leaving Piper behind. Three warriors run in after them. The portal closes. Freyja, Mist and Valkyrie #2 run down the path. They see Piper standing there.)

To be continued...

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