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Written by: Brad Kern

Season 8, Episode 01

Episode: 157


[Scene: Manor, outside.]

(A man in a black suit enters the house.)

[Scene: Manor, foyer.]

(The house is filled with people. A man and a woman are talking.)

Man: Goodbye.

Woman: Okay, see you later.

(The woman picks a white rose from a basket filled with white roses and starts writing something in the book lying next to it. Victor is standing in the hall. A man walks over to Victor.)

Man: Victor.

(They shake hands.)

Victor: Thanks for coming by, I really appreciate it.

Man: My condolences.

Victor: Thank you, thank you.

[Scene: Manor, living room.]

(A picture of Piper is standing on a table, next to an urn. On each side of the picture, there is standing a burning candle. There are several white roses laying in front of the picture. A woman lays another one on top of them.)

Woman #1: We love you, Piper.

Woman #2: We love you.

Man: I knew you two were close.

Woman #1: I've known her for so many years.

(A woman walks away from the table. The living room is filled with people, all dressed in black.)

[Scene: Manor, conservatory]

(A picture of Phoebe is standing on a table, next to an urn. On each side of the picture, there is standing a burning candle. There are several white roses laying in front of the picture. Several men and women, including little ones, are standing in front of it. A woman and a man both lay a white rose on top of the other ones.)

[Scene: Manor, dining room.]

(A picture of Paige is standing on the dining table, next to an urn. On each side of the picture, there is standing a burning candle. There are laying two roses in front of the picture. A little man lays another one on top of them. The man walks away from the table and a woman walks over to Victor. She goes to stand next to him.)

Woman (Piper): Pretty good turnout, huh?

Victor: Phoebe?

Piper: No, dad, I'm Piper. That's Phoebe.

(Another woman walks over to Victor.)

Woman (Phoebe): I can't believe how many Leprechauns there are at my urn.

Piper: Well, they always had the hots for you.

Phoebe: It's kind of creepy, but I guess you can't be too picky when you're dead.

Victor: You guys are driving me crazy, you know that?

Piper: Keep it down, will ya? And look a little more bereaved. Agent Keyes is watching.

(They look at man standing in the foyer.)

Phoebe: Oh, don't worry. He'll never figure us out. How could he?

Victor: Hey, I can't still figure it out.

Piper: Well, at least we're still alive and, more importantly, free.

Victor: Yeah, but you have to keep changing looks all the time? Just pick one and stick with it, would you?

Phoebe: Why? It's fun.

Piper: Poor Paige, not a lot of people at her urn.

(Suddenly, "Janice Dickinson" walks in.)

"Janice Dickinson": Excuse me.

(She walks straight up to Paige's urn.)

Phoebe: Wow, what is Janice Dickinson doing here?

"Janice Dickinson": Oh, Paige.

Sophie: She knew Paige?

Tom: Wow, I'm impressed.

"Janice Dickinson": You were the best friend I ever had! What am I gonna do without you?

(Piper and Phoebe walk up to "Janice Dickinson".)

Piper: Can we talk to you in a minute?

Phoebe: In private?

"Janice Dickinson": Excuse me, what are you doing?

(They take her to the kitchen.)

[Scene: Manor, kitchen.]

"Janice Dickinson": What is the meaning of this? Do you have any idea who I am?

Phoebe: Yeah, as a matter of fact we do...

(She glamours into her own appearance.)

Phoebe: Paige.

"Janice Dickinson": I'm sorry, who?

(Piper glamours into her own appearance.)

Piper: Nice try, jig's up.

"Janice Dickinson": Oh, all right then, fine.

("Janice Dickinson" glamours into Paige.)

Paige: Well, somebody had to cry at my funeral, didn't they?

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Manor, kitchen. Continues from before.]

Piper: We were supposed to keep it low profile, what were you thinking?

Paige: I was thinking that I obviously spent too much time in the magical world because nobody even cares that I'm dead!

Phoebe: That's not true, you have mourners. I mean, there are lots of Leprechauns out there.

Paige: I mean real people!

Piper: Well, there was your friend Glen.

Phoebe: Yeah, Glen was at your urn, and Ruthie, our neighbour.

Piper: No, she was just going to get coffee.

Phoebe: Oh, really?

Paige: My point exactly.

(A man enters the kitchen.)

Phoebe: Oh, my God.

(Paige gasps and the man looks at them.)

Paige: We can explain, it's...

Piper: Don't bother.

(The man glamours into Leo.)

Phoebe: Oh, you scared me. I thought we were busted.

Leo: Well, you are gonna be if you don't change back, what are you doing?

'Piper': Apparently, having an identity crisis.

(She looks at Paige.)

Paige: Oh, so it's okay for you to change your husband into...

(She hears a hard jingle inside her head.)

Paige: Aw.

Phoebe: What's wrong?

Paige: It's a jingling in my head.

Phoebe: Does that mean the Elders know alive?

Piper: No, they can't. We cloaked ourselves from them.

Leo: It could be a new charge. You know, a connection to one's Whitelighter is automatic.

Piper: Okay, well, just ignore it.

Paige: Easy for you to say, you're not half-Whitelighter. Okay? Maybe it's one of the mourners. Could be a demon out there.

(She runs over to the kitchen door to look into the dining room.)

Phoebe: No, no, no. No demons.

(She pulls Paige back from the door. As she pulls her back, she sees a man standing at her urn.)

Paige: Why? It makes sense, doesn't it? They probably wanna find out if we're really dead.

Phoebe: It doesn't matter, we're retired, we don't do demons anymore.

Piper: She's right, you're just gonna have to forget about it.

Paige: No so easy with a jingle-jangle.

(Phoebe is looking at her urn again.)

Phoebe: What is he doing here?

Piper: He who?

Phoebe: I didn't even think he knew I existed.

(Paige looks at Phoebe's urn as well.)

Paige: Who is he?

Phoebe: I don't know, just some guy that I used to see in the elevator all the time at work.

Paige: He's kind of cute.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Piper: Okay, people, morph now, ogle later. Come on, we can't risk being caught. Choppity-chop-chop-chop.

(Phoebe and Paige go back to Piper and Leo.)

[Scene: Manor, sitting room.]

Elise Rothman: Of course, I don't know if Phoebe ever thought of me as her friend, but I always thought of her as mine.

Victor: Oh, I know for a fact she's really glad you're here, Elise.

(Elise gives him a weird look.)

Victor: When I say I know, I mean in the ethereal sense, of course. Channeling, sensing, ... .

Elise: Of course.

(She looks over to Phoebe's urn where three Leprechauns are standing.)

Elise: I never realized she knew so many little people, though.

Victor: Yes.

(Elise walks away. A man approaches Victor.)

Man (Paul Haas): You must be devestated, Mr. Bennett.

Victor: Yeah.

Paul Haas: Especially considering how it happened. Was there ever an official cause of death?

Victor: Excuse me?

Paul Haas: Oh, forgive me for prying. It's just that the news always made it sound so mysterious. And with no remains... .

Victor: I'm sorry, I didn't get your name.

Paul Haas: Haas, Paul Haas.

Victor: And you knew my daughters how?

Paul Haas: By reputation. I mean, did the police ever find your son-in-law by any chance? Leo?

Victor: No, they think he died in the accident as well.

Paul Haas: And now you have to raise those boys all by yourself.

(Victor nods.)

Victor: In this huge house.

(Paul Haas looks around. He picks his card out of his jacket.)

Paul Haas: If you find that you need to sell it though, let me know.

(He hands over the card to Victor.)

Paul Haas: I'd be glad to help.

(Victor reads the card.)

Victor: You're a real estate-agent?

Paul Haas: I specialize in the moving of problem properties. You know, where people have died. Buyers seem to be a little queasy.

(Victor gives the card back to Paul.)

Victor: Get out.

Paul Haas: Again, my condolences.

(He walks away. Victor sighs.)

[Scene: Underworld.]

(Many demons are standing in a lair. They're talking to each other when Paul Haas flames in. He takes off his jacket.)

Demon #1 (Elkin): Well? Are they dead or not?

Paul Haas: They're dead.

Several Demons: Yeah!

Elkin: So we can do what we want! Nobody can stop us.

Paul Haas: Except for other demons. Which is why we need to establish a foothold in the mortal world as soon as possible.

Elkin: First, we mess with the mortals... .

Paul Haas: First, we do as I say.

Elkin: Who says you decide? There's no order to the Underworld anymore. Now that Zankou and his generation have been decimated, it's our time to play. Which means it's every demon for himself.

Paul Haas: Until one demon rises to power, and then you'll be forced to answer to him! Is that what you want?

Elkin: What I want is to scare the living hell out of people... literally.

(Some demons laugh.)

Elkin: Each to its own gifts.

Paul Haas: Fine then, go.

(He takes a few steps back.)

Paul Haas: Me, I want out of this hole. Take over the symbolic seat of power before anybody else does.

Elkin: The Charmed Ones' home.

(Paul Haas smiles.)

Elkin: How do you plan to get it?

Paul Haas: I'm going to buy it from their father's estate, after I kill him.

(They both smile.)

[Scene: San Francisco, police department.]

(Agent Keyes and Agent Murphy are talking in an office.)

Agent Murphy: This case isn't dead. I mean, you said so yourself, right?

Agent Keyes: So?

Agent Murphy: So then why we're heading back to D.C.? Why don't we just stay in here?

(Agent Keyes walks to another office with the Halliwell files. Agent Murphy follows.)

Agent Murphy: I don't understand. You spend years trying to proof that there's something out there, some unseen power. And then you walk away from it just like that?

(Agent Keyes puts the Halliwell files in a box.)

Agent Keyes: Just like that.

(He walks back to the other office with the box. Agent Murphy follows him and sighs.)

Agent Murphy: But what about what happened to Inspector Sheridan? That thing that killed her? And what about that cop that swears he saw Leo at the scene of the crime? That's means he's still alive... .

Agent Keyes: It's over, Agent Murphy, the sisters are dead.

Agent Murphy: You don't believe that.

Agent Keyes: You're right, I don't. But I want them to think I do. If they're in hiding, they're not going to resurface with us hanging around. So, we leave. Let them get comfortable, complecant.

Agent Murphy: But then how we know if... .

Agent Keyes: Because you're going to stay behind, that's how. Keep an eye on things for me. You lay low, be patient, and give them plenty of space. If they are still alive, they'll come home. Sooner or later, everyone always does.

(Agent Keyes walks away.)

[Scene: Manor, foyer.]

(Everyone is getting out. Victor is talking to Dex, the man Phoebe always saw in the elevator at work.)

Victor: How well did you know Phoebe?

Dex: Not as well as I'd like to. But I loved to read her column.

Victor: Oh, really?

Dex: Yeah, every day. Could never get over how someone as beautiful as was could be so incredibly insightful.

(Glamoured Phoebe walks over to them.)

Phoebe: You don't say.

Victor: Excuse me, do you mind?

Phoebe: It's all right, I've got this. You were saying? About Phoebe?

Dex: Just that I thought she was great. Really great.

Phoebe: Then why didn't you ever ask her out?

Dex: What?

(Glamoured Piper walks over to them and starts pushing Dex to the front door.)

Piper: Thanks for coming, sorry you have to go.

Dex: What...?

(She pushes him out of the front door.)

Piper: Okay, bye-bye.

(She closes the front door.)

Phoebe: Piper, what are you doing?

Piper: What are you doing? You can't pick up on a guy at a funeral.

Phoebe: Why not? It's my funeral.

(They hear Wyatt in the living room and walk over to him.)

Piper: It's okay, sweetie, Mommy's right here.

(He doesn't seem to recognize her.)

Piper: Wyatt, honey, what's the matter?

(She kneels down in front of him.)

Victor: He doesn't know it's you, Piper.

(She stands up. Paige and Leo walk in. Leo kneels down next to Wyatt.)

Leo: It's okay, buddy, all right? Daddy's here, okay? We're all here.

(Piper and Phoebe drop their glamour.)

Wyatt: Mama. Aunt Phoebe.

Leo: Okay, see?

(He stands up.)

Phoebe: Poor little guy, he's confused.

Victor: He doesn't know what's going on. Neither does baby Chris. All this changing makes him nervous, I think.

Paige: Yeah, maybe we didn't exactly think this thing through.

Piper: We didn't have time to think it through.

Leo: Well, it's too late to go back now, so what do we do?

Phoebe: I think I have an idea. Follow me.

[Scene: Manor, attic.]

(The door opens and Phoebe, Paige, Piper, Leo, who's carrying Wyatt, and Victor enter the room. Phoebe walks to a trunk. She opens it and takes the Book of Shadows out.)

Phoebe: Okay, it's a good thing we kept this.

(Leo puts Wyatt down. Phoebe walks over to its stand and everyone follows her.)

Piper: Yeah, but we're not supposed to use it. The more magic we use... .

Paige: ... the more likely the demons are to find us out.

(Phoebe places the Book on its stand.)

Phoebe: We didn't say we'd never use magic again. Besides, I think we really need this spell.

Leo: Why? What will it do?

(Phoebe flips through the Book.)

Phoebe: End our confusion, hopefully. I've been thinking about it for the last couple of days, and all we need to do is each of us needs to come up with one look, one disguise, that we wanna to project to the rest of the world.

Paige: You mean like a permanent, permanent one?

Phoebe: That's the idea.

Victor: But how is that going to end the confusion? Especially for the boys?

Phoebe: Oh, because they won't see the disguises. Neither will any of us. Okay, just trust me. You guys have a look in mind?

(Leo and Paige nod.)

Piper: Yeah, you know what, nothing flashy either.

(Paige gives her a look.)

Phoebe: Ready? "I call upon the ancient powers, to mask us now and in future hours. Hide us well and thoroughly, but now from those we call family."

Victor: Well, anything happened?

Phoebe: Do we look the same?

Victor: Yeah.

Leo: Maybe it didn't work.

(They walk over to a mirror.)

Phoebe: It definitely worked.

Paige: Oh my goodness, is that me?

(They see their disguises in the mirror.)

Phoebe: Is it the you that you invisioned?

(Paige hits Piper.)

Paige: Hey, I thought you said no flash!

Piper: It was the first look that came to mind!

Leo: I like it.

Victor: How is it you can see your other selves in reflected in the mirror?

Phoebe: It's part of the spell.

Piper: You know, this just might work.

(Paige hears the jingling again.)

Paige: The jingle again. Do you think this means something bad is gonna to happen?

[Scene: Campus, dorm.]

(A chick, dressed in black, walks in the room. She opens a drawer and takes black gloves out. After she has put them on, she takes an athame out of a cabinet. She puts on her boot, and takes a black wig out of another shelf from the cabinet. She puts sunglasses on and looks in the mirror. She leaves the room.)

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Manor, attic]

(Paige, Piper and Leo are writing on little papers.)

Phoebe: Okay.

(She collects the papers.)

Paige: Hey, I'm not done!

Phoebe: It doesn't matter, you are now. It's an identity, not a novel.

(She walks over to a table with a cauldron.)

Phoebe: As long as these reflect who we're trying to be and where we've come from, we're all good. Okay, Julie, nice, Jo, Jenny, Louis?

(She pulls a weird face.)

Leo: Louis. You know, like Louis Armstrong, the Great Satchmo? The trumpeter?

Piper: Yeah, I think dad used to listen to him.

(Paige chuckles.)

Phoebe: Okay, if you can deal with it, so can the government.

(She throws the papers into a bubbling cauldron. She throws in something else and the posion bangs.)

Phoebe: Voilà, new identities.

Paige: Are you sure?

Phoebe: Only one way to find out.

(She starts walking to the door.)

Phoebe: Let's go shopping!

Piper: No.

Phoebe: Yeah!

Piper: No, wait, no!

(She follows Phoebe. Paige follows as well. They go down the stairs.)

Phoebe: Come on, we have seven years of lost time to make up for. We have to start somewhere!

Piper: Yeah, I know but... .

Phoebe: No buts, we are free. Do you have any idea what that means? It means no more demons, no more cops. We can do whatever we want!

(The sisters stop walking in the hallway.)

Piper: I know, I know, but still... .

Phoebe: (to Paige) Would you please talk some sense into this woman?

(Paige pulls a weird face.)

Paige: You know what occurred to me? That real-estate agent your dad was talking abou, if you think about it, he may be a d... .

Phoebe: Oh my God! If you say the D word, I might implode. Come on you guys, what's wrong? I mean, isn't this what we wanted?

Piper: Yes, it's just it's not as simple as I had hoped, that's all.

Phoebe: You know why? Because you haven't been out yet. And you will feel so much better in a new pair of shoes.

(Paige chuckles.)

Piper: But I don't need new shoes.

Phoebe: That's the old you talking. Come on, you guys, can't we just at least try to have fun? Don't we owe ourselves that much?

Piper: Yes, we do, ... .

Phoebe: That's the spirit! Paige? I mean, Jo. Shoes are on me.

Paige: Uhm, I think I may just stay here and relax a little.

Phoebe: Relax? I like it, relax. Come on!

(She takes Piper's arm and pulls her with her.)

[Scene: Shoppin disctrict.]

(Phoebe and Piper leave a shoe store, packed with several baggs.)

Piper: He was not hitting on me.

Phoebe: He was too. He was practically drooling on you.

Piper: Okay, first, I'm married. Secondly, he's a salesman in a woman's shoe store. What are the chances he's not gay?

Phoebe: Who cares, just enjoy. That's our new mantra, right?

(They stop and watch their disguises in a shop's window.)

Piper: Still, maybe Paige is right, I don't think this new look is me.

Phoebe: I think you look hot.

Piper: Easy, sis, don't creep me out.

Phoebe: Hey, we're not sisters anymore, remember? We're cousins.

Piper: Still creepy.

(They continue walking.)

Piper: Isn't there any part of you that doubts your decision at all?

Phoebe: No, I mean, I liked both pairs of shoes so I bought both pairs of shoes.

Piper: No, not the shoes. The pretending to be dead to the rest of the world.

Phoebe: Oh, yeah, obviously there were certain aspects of my life that I really liked, but I couldn't fully enjoy it because of all the witch stuff.

Piper: Yeah, but the witch stuff is who we are. I mean, we can't just walk around pretending we don't have powers anymore.

Phoebe: Yeah, but, Piper, nobody is saying we have to.

(They stop walking again.)

Phoebe: We just don't have to use our powers every other week to save the world, that's the only difference.

Piper: That, and the fact that the last three decades of our life are suddenly gone.

Phoebe: Well, we have to give up something to gain something. Look, you wanted a normal life more than all of us. Right? So, what's changed all of the sudden?

Piper: I'm a little neurotic, what do you want from me?

Phoebe: That's not it, what else is it?

Piper: It's just, it's a big change, and I don't do change very well. So, you know, let me freak out for a little while and then, you know, I'll be fine.

(Phoebe nods.)

Phoebe: Okay. Wanna go get our eyebrows plucked?

Piper: Gee, I'd love to, but no, I gotta go check on P3 and make sure Dad hasn't done a lot of damage.

(She hands over her bags to Phoebe.)

Piper: Besides, it's gonna be the only thing that will pay for all these shoes.

(She starts walking away and crosses a street.)

Phoebe: You worry too much, missy.

(Phoebe watches Piper walk away and sees an advertisement of 'Ask Phoebe'.)

[Scene: Manor, attic.]

(Grams is sitting on a couch, Paige is walking around talking to Grams.)

Paige: Phoebe has a life outside of magic, or at least she had one. Piper has Leo, Piper has the boys, what do I have? I have a giant sucking hole of nothingness.

Grams: Please, Paige, spare me the dramatics and cut to the chase, will you? I've got an Afterlife to live, you know.

Paige: See, even you have a life, and you're dead. I just don't know where to start.

(Paige goes sitting next to Grams.)

Grams: Well, you know, it's not like anybody asked for my opinion before abandoning the Charmed legacy in the first place.

Paige: Thanks Grams, I'm so glad you came, you've been a great help.

Grams: Look, honey, I'm sorry. But you're the one who got yourself into this mess, not me.

Paige: I didn't have a choice, okay, we didn't have a choice. We were going to die, the real way.

Grams: I understand, and I'm not judging you. Well, maybe I am a little. But, my point is that you've made choice, whether you were forced into it or not, and you've gotta live with that choice, whether you like it or not.

Paige: What if I can't?

Grams: Oh, that's ridiculous.

Paige: No, it's not. I want a life outside of magic, I really do, but... .

Grams: But what?

Paige: But it's the jingling, okay? I hear it, night and day, which means people are constantly calling for my help.

Grams: That is just the Whitelighter in you.

Paige: But that's still me, Grams, and that's still magic. So what if I can't ever really get away from it?

Grams: Well, one thing is for sure, young lady. You're never gonna find what you're looking for sitting around here. You want a fresh start? Then pull yourself up by your bootstraps, get out into the world and try it on for size. See what happens.

Paige: I don't know.

Grams: Hey, you don't want my advice? Don't conjure me next time. Now get up.

(She grabs Paige's hand and pulls her up from the couch.)

Grams: Get a grip and don't come back until you find your thrill. Now go.

(She pushes Paige's to the door and hits her backside.)

[Scene: San Francisco, coffee bar.]

(Paige is sitting there, drinking a cup of coffee. She sees her disguise in a reflection of a window.)

Paige: Great, just great.

(She stands up and bumps into a man who is carrying a cup of coffee as well.)

Man: Whoops, oh. Sorry, my fault.

Paige: Oh, no sorry, it's mine. I didn't see you.

Man: Well, I saw you, that's for sure. I mean, how could I not? A beautiful girl sitting here all by herself?

Paige: Well, rub it in.

Man: I'm sorry?

(She smiles.)

Paige: Nothing.

Man: Do you mind if I join you?

Paige: Oh, actually, I was... . Yeah sure, why not?

Man: Great. You're new around here, aren't you?

Paige: No, I'm n... . Why do you ask?

Man: Well, local place and all. Pretty much everybody here is a regular.

Paige: Ah. And you know I'm not.

Man: I definitely would have remembered seeing you before.

(Paige smiles. Suddenly, she hears a woman shouting. Paige looks around and sees a man robbing the woman's purse. He snatches it and runs off.)

Bystander: Hey! He just took her purse.

(Paige runs off and goes after the purse-snatcher.)

Man: Are you out of your mind? You'll get yourself killed!

(Paige crosses the street. Around the corner, she finds the purse laying on the ground. Paige kneels down next to the purse.)

Paige: Damn it! Why didn't I orb?

(She hears the jingle again inside her head.)

Paige: (looking up) Would you stop that already?

(She sighs.)

Paige: I give up.

[Scene: San Francisco, street.]

(The chick in black is walking there.)

[Scene: Cinema]

(The audience is watching a scary movie. The demon Elkin enters the room.)

Film Character #1: It's over here somewhere.

Film Character #​2: Be quiet, be quiet.

Film Character #1: Who is that?

(Elkin goes sitting behind a man.)

Film Character #2: Get down, be quiet. Stay down, stay... .

(The man is scared. Elkin holds up his hand next to the man's head and his hand starts to glow. The man starts shaking and gasps, until he dies.

Film Character #2: We have to find the others.

(Elkin stands up. As he is walking forward, he sees Paige orbing in.)

Film Character #2: Where are the others?

Film Character #1: I don't know.

(Paige looks around and sees Elkin.)

Paige: Did you call for me?

Elkin: I don't think so. You don't have the power to stop me, Whitelighter.

Paige: Obviously, you don't know who I am. Which is probably a good thing.

(Elkin uses Hyper Speed and bumps into Paige. She smacks against the wall and falls on the ground.)

Woman in the audience: Shhh!

(Elkin is standing next to Paige, who is still laying on the ground. He creates a Fireball in his hands, when the door is slammed open. He looks behind him and sees the chick in black standing there.)

Chick in Black: Doesn't that burn your hand?

(Elkin throws the Fireball at her, but she dodges it.)

Chick in Black: Damn, I was hoping for such a better fight with my first demon. You are a demon, aren't you?

(Elkin throws another Fireball, but she telekinetically deviates it. He jumps on the ground to dodge it.)

Woman: Shhh!

(The people in the room look behind them and see what's going on. They flee.)

Chick in Black: Now help me out in here, I'm new at this. Who pays for that?

(Elkin is still on the ground and looks at her. He then shimmers out. Paige watches the chick in black leave.)

[Scene: Manor, kitchen.]

(Victor is doing the dishes. Wyatt is sitting in his high chair. Leo walks in, bringing more dirty dishes.)

Leo: (to Wyatt) Hey buddy!

(He walks over to the table and places the dirty dishes on it.)

Leo: There's still a couple of loads out there.

Victor: You're kidding me. Why don't we get the girls to do a little hocus-pocus, huh?

Leo: No. No more magic. Not unless it's absolutely necesarry. They gotta get out of the habit of relying on it. Or else they'll never gonna have normal lives.

Victor: Yeah right, like that's ever gonna to happen.

Leo: What? You don't think it will?

Victor: Well, do you? Louis? Come on, who you're trying to kid here? Whether I like it or not, and you know I don't, being magical is part of who they are. It's part of who you all are. You may have been able to change your identities but you didn't change that.

Leo: Well, we'll just do the best we can then.

Victor: Yeah, but what if that's not good enough? I mean, I don't mean to sound pessimistic here, because I really want this to work out, but it's not gonna be easy. Especially for you and Piper.

Leo: Why especially for us?

Victor: Because you got the boys to raise like this, and you... . Where's the baby monitor?

Leo: I just checked on Chris, he's sleeping. Go on.

(Victor smiles.)

Victor: Oh, don't listen to me. I'm worried and grumpy. You think I'd know better by now. I've been worried since I first found out the kids were gonna be witches, you know?

Leo: You know, maybe you should go home for a while, Victor. You know, get away from all of this. You've been around here for about a week or so now.

(Victor sighs.)

Victor: Yeah, I will. As soon as things settle down here. Listen, why don't you wash, I'll go get the last load, huh?

(He walks to the door.)

Victor: (to Wyatt) Hey.

[Scene: Manor, conservatory.]

(Victor is walking in when an Elder, Jonnah, orbs in.)

Victor: Wow.

Jonnah: I mean you no harm, Victor. My name is Jonnah. I'm an Elder. I just need to talk to you, all right?

Victor: All right.

Jonnah: Good. Now, I know what you've gone through. What you still must be going through. Children should bury their father, not the other way around.

Victor: Go on.

Jonnah: We've been talking... .

Victor: We?

Jonnah: The other Elders and myself, about the boys, Wyatt and Chris. Losing their parents, their aunts, it's unspeakable. Especially considering who they were. Which is why we feel very strongly that it'd be in the boys' best interest... .

Victor: You're not taking them. Forget it.

Jonnah: Victor, you're mortal. You can't possibly raise them to be...

Victor: I'm their grandfather, that's all I need to be.

(Leo enters the dining room from the kitchen. As he sees Jonnah, he hides and watches him talking with Victor.)

Jonnah: I don't think you quite realize the extent to which our future, all our future, depends upon their upbringing.

Victor: I got a pretty good idea.

Jonnah: Then you know they'll continue to be targets of evil. Demons who will stop at nothing to turn them to their side, or worse, destroy them, and how will you protect them?

Victor: I'll find a way.

Jonnah: They should come with me now for their sakes.

Victor: Over my dead body.

(They look at each other.)

Jonnah: I prey you know what you're doing.

(He orbs out. After Jonnah is gone, Leo walks over to Victor.)

Leo: You still sure you don't wanna go home?

Victor: Yeah, thinking about it.

(They hear the front door opening and see Paige enter. She lays her keys on the table in the foyer. Paige starts walking to the stairs, but Leo and Victor approach her.)

Victor: Hey, where you been?

Paige: Oh, you know, just kinda out and about.

(She smiles and starts to climb the stairs. Leo sees the wound on her shoulder.)

Leo: Hey, wow. You're bleeding. How did that happen?

(Paige takes a deep breath.)

[Scene: Underworld.]

Paul Haas: Yeah, how did that happen?

(Paul walks over to Elkin, who is standing against a stone column.)

Paul Haas: How is it that the great Elkin got his ass kicked by one lousy witch?

Elkin: I didn't get my ass kicked. Could've easily killed her if I wasn't worried about exposure.

Paul Haas: She wasn't.

Elkin: Which is why I'm not even sure she was a witch.

Paul Haas: Well, what could she have been? An usher?

(Elkin places his hand around Paul Haas' neck. As Paul watches him, Elkin releases Paul's neck.)

Elkin: Whoever she was, she tracked me there somehow. Which means we'll cross paths again. And next time, I'll be waiting.

Paul Haas: I don't like it. Not with that Whitelighter there too. There's more to this.

Elkin: I can handle them both. It's not like we have to worry about the Charmed Ones coming to the rescue anymore.

Paul Haas: Still, we should consolidate our powers regardless of the threat. We'll kill the father at nightfall, while the powerful progeny sleeps.

(Elkin smiles.)

[Scene: P3.]

(Piper is there, working on a laptop.)

Piper: One week, one lousy week. Are you kidding me? Barry Manilow? Dad, you booked Barry Manilow? What were you thinking?

(A door shuts and a man, Dominic, is coming down the stairs.)

Dominic: Hello?

Piper: Dominic, thank God, you're here. Are these all the receipts for the last seven months? Has everything been entered?

Dominic: I'm sorry, who are you?

(Piper looks startled.)

Piper: I'm Julie. I mean, Jenny Bennett. I'm Victor's cousin.

(She pulls a weird face.)

Piper: Pff. Niece, I'm Victor's niece.

Dominic: Okay, so what are you doing with our computer? And how did you get the password?

Piper: Uhm, uncle Victor gave it to me. Excuse me.

(She ducks under the bar.)

Piper: Ugh.

(She stands up again and holds her shoe. She points him at Dominic.)

Piper: New shoes, they look a lot nicer than they feel.

Dominic: So you work here now?

Piper: No, I'm just helping out a little, you know, because Victor asked me to help out.

Dominic: You wouldn't mind if I call him to verify that, would you?

Piper: No, not at all. Please, knock your socks off.

(Dominic walks out. Piper's cell phone rings. Piper)

Piper: Hello? What? Wait, wait, what? Leo, we're not supposed to have family emergences anymore, we're done with that. All right, fine, I'm coming, but you need to get down here to save our financial butts.

[Scene: The Bay Mirror.]

(Phoebe walks in and sees some of her colleagues standing at a shelf with a picture of her, surrounded by candles, flowers, cards and a teddy bear. Phoebe walks over to them.)

Sophie: I still can't believe she's really gone. She was always so sweet to me.

Tom: She always had a smile for everyone.

Gregg: She was always there, whenever you needed her.

Tom: She helped me through my divorce.

Elise: She doubled our readership.

(Sophie and Gregg comfort Elise. Phoebe picks a handkerchief out of her purse and hands it over to Elise. Tom gets back to work.)

Phoebe: Here you go.

Elise: Thanks. Who are you?

Phoebe: I'm Julie Bennett, Phoebe's cousin from her father's side.

Elise: Oh, my dear, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Phoebe: I know you are. I just came by to pick up some of her thing, so, don't mind me.

Sophie: Were you close to Phoebe?

Phoebe: Yes, yes, I was.

Sophie: She was amazing, wasn't she?

Gregg: A doll.

Elise: The best friend I could ever ask for.

Phoebe: That is so sweet!

Elise: Oh, I mean it, she was the best. I'm gonna miss her like crazy.

Phoebe: See, now you're gonna go and make me cry.

Elise: It's the truth. She was more than just the heart and soul of this paper. She was the daughter I never had.

(She almost starts crying and Phoebe hugs her.)

Phoebe: Oh, Elise, I had no idea!

(Elise pulls a weird face. Phoebe stops the hug.)

Phoebe: I mean, Phoebe had no idea. I mean, she never told me how close you both were. But then again, you know, why would she tell me, because, you know, then... , obviously she didn't know this was gonna happen. Carry on.

(She walks out. Elise, Sophie and Gregg watch her leave.)

[Scene: Bay Mirror, hallway.]

(Phoebe is pushing the elevator button multple times.)

Phoebe: Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

(The lift opens and two people get out of it. Phoebe sees Dex standing in the back. He's alone in the elevator and he watches her.)

Phoebe: Oh, hi.

(She enters the elevator and goes standing next to him.)

Dex: Hi.

Phoebe: Oh, that's right, you don't know who I am.

(She pushes a button. The lift doors close.)

Phoebe: I'm Julie, Phoebe's cousin. I sort of saw you at the wake.

Dex: Oh, yeah. I'm so sorry.

(She nods.)

Phoebe: Thanks. And you're ...?

Dex: Dex. Dex Lawson.

Phoebe: Dex Lawson. Nice to meet you, Dex.

(They shake hands.)

Dex: You too.

(As she touches him, she receives a Premonition of them kissing on the front porch of the Manor. Phoebe is dressed in a wedding dress. The vision is surrounded in a yellow glow. He then carries her over the doorstep. The vision stops and she looks at him. She makes a weird noise.)

Dex: Everything all right?

(She nods but looks a bit shocked.)

Phoebe: Yeah, it's just... hot in here.

(The lift stops and pings.)

Phoebe: Ding!

(She leaves the elevator and walks to right.)

Dex: Nice meeting you!

(She suddenly stops and walks to the other side.)

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Manor, attic.]

(Paige is sitting at the table and scring. Piper and Phoebe walk in.)

Piper: Are you out of your mind?

Phoebe: Leo told us you fought a demon.

Paige: I can explain.

(Piper gets the Scrying Crystal out of Paige's hand.)

Piper: What is this? What are you doing?

Paige: I am trying to find a girl.

Phoebe: Okay, look, we have been through this, okay? If anyone finds out we're alive, we're screwed.

Piper: Do you have a dead wish? Is that the problem?

(Paige stands up.)

Paige: Okay, would you two please just be quiet for a minute and let me explain? Thank you!

(Piper and Phoebe sigh.)

Paige: First of all, I did not intentionally engage a demon.

Phoebe: Oh, don't say engage. Don't ask.

(Piper looks at her, but Phoebe waves her hand.)

Paige: Look, I just had the ringing in my head and I just figured that if I answered, that maybe, you know... .

Piper: You're not supposed to respond to anything anymore.

Paige: Look, it's very hard not to respond to a call for help.

Phoebe: Paige, you have to! Okay, we've had this conversation.

Paige: Yeah, I know we have, but it's not that easy.

Piper: Okay, everybody, just calm down a second. Did you at least vanquish the demon?

(Paige shakes her head.)

Paige: No.

(She goes sitting on her chair again.)

Paige: But on the bright side, he did not know who I was.

Phoebe: Well, that's good at least.

Piper: So, what happened to the demon?

Paige: I don't know. This chick came along and scared him off.

Piper and Phoebe: What chick?

[Scene: Manor, living room.]

(Victor turns off the lights and is carrying Wyatt in his arms. He is singing for Wyatt.)

Victor: Itsy, bitsy, spider, climbing up the spout, down came the rain.

(Paul Haas flames in, and his minions shimmer in.)

Paul Haas: We'll wait for him to come back downstairs alone.

[Scene: Manor, attic.]

Paige: I don't know who she was, she showed up right after I got there.

Piper: Do you think she was a witch?

(Piper starts walking around.)

Paige: I don't know, maybe.

Phoebe: Maybe she was the one that called you.

Paige: No, this girl definitely did not need my help.

Phoebe: Could have been a bad witch.

Piper: And if that's true, and she figures out who we are... .

Paige: I'm telling you, she was after the demon, she was not interested in me.

Piper: Still, she could have ID'd you and that would have been very bad.

Grams: Oh, for crying out loud, give her a break, will you?

(Piper and Phoebe look behind them. Grams is standing there.)

Phoebe: Grams, what are you doing here?

Grams: I'm trying to keep you from ganging up on her, that's what.

Piper: Well, you're sort of death, so this doesn't really concern you.

Grams: It does when my legacy is at stake.

Phoebe: Oh, please, I think we've paid our dues.

Grams: And I'm not saying that you haven't. You have every right to live normal, unencumbered lives. But just because you want to, doesn't mean you can.

Piper: You're a little late with that speech.

Grams: Well, perhaps for the two of you, but not for Paige.

(Piper and Phoebe look at Paige.)

Grams: Whether or not you succeed, remains to be seen, but you cannot deny she is being called by somebody. (to Paige) And you can't deny it either.

(Paige hears the jingling again.)

Paige: You're right, I can't deny it, especially not right now.

[Scene: Manor, sitting room.]

(Victor is coming down the stairs.)

Paul Haas: Hello, Victor.

(Victor looks up to them.)

Paul Haas: Now, are you sure you don't wanna sell?

(Paul smiles as the front door is slammed open. Victor and Paul look at it. The chick in black enters the Manor.)

Elkin: Who are you?

[Scene: Manor, attic]

(The sisters and Grams hear noises coming from downstairs.)

Phoebe: That doesn't sound good!

Piper: No, it doesn't!

Paige: (to Grams) Thank you for coming!

(The sisters run down.)

Grams: Oh, the good old days!

[Scene: Manor, sitting room.]

(As the sisters run down the stairs, Victor runs up.)

Victor: Hey, thank her for me, will you?

Piper: What? Who?

(Suddenly, a screaming demon is thrown against a wall and bursts into flames.)

Phoebe: Where did he come from?

(The girls look down and see the chick dodging Elkin's Fireball. She jumps over to him and stabs him with her athame, vanquishing him. The sisters see Paul getting up in the conservatory, ready to throw a Fireball at the chick in black.)

Paige: Behind you!

(Paul looks the stairs and the sisters duck. The chick in black turns around and throws her athame, but Paul Haas flames out. The athame hits a window frame in the conservatory. The chick stretches her arm out and the athame flies back into her hands. She puts it back on her boot and sees the sisters are watching her.)

Chick: Thanks!

(She does a cart-wheel over the couch and leaves the Manor.)

Piper: Showoff.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Manor, living room.]

(Paige is standing at the fireplace. Phoebe and Piper are sitting in a couch.

Paige: Well, she can't be all bad, she said "thank you".

Piper: We don't know what she is, she didn't stick around long enough for us to ask.

Phoebe: You gotta admit, that was nice flip though.

Piper: And a nice attitude. She didn't even care that we saw her use her powers. What was that?

Paige: Well, I think that because she was tracking the first demon, I mean, he was the same one she was after before.

(Paige goes sitting in a couch.)

Phoebe: I also think she may be your new charge.

Paige: Huh?

Phoebe: It's the second time she showed up right after you got a call.

Piper: Which means she probably knows who we are and she could expose us.

Paige: She was after the demons, not us.

Phoebe: And the demons were going after dad, and he should be our main concern right now, not this supergirl.

Paige: Well, the question is why were they after him in the first place?

Phoebe: Who knows? I mean, maybe to get to the boys or the house, as some kind of thropy. The point is we're gonna have to go after the demon.

Paige: Even if it risks exposing us.

Phoebe: We may have already been exposed.

(Piper stands up and starts walking around.)

Piper: No, I don't think so. We were disguised to him and besides, we didn't use our powers. The problem is we can't just vanquish the one demon. We're gonna have to make some sort of a statement. Otherwise what's to keep the entire Underworld from coming after Dad again and again?

Paige: Well, here's our conundrum, people. How do we make a statement without letting them know it's us?

(Phoebe looks at Piper. She sighs.)

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: San Francisco, Victor's apartment.]

("Victor" enters his apartment and puts on the light. He closes the door and lays his key on a coffee table.)

Paul Haas: I know you'd come home sooner our later.

("Victor" turns around and sees Paul Haas standing there. Two other demons shimmer in.)

"Victor": You again?

Paul Haas: Yup, me again. And this time, I know you're alone. Just out of curiousity, Victor, who were all those women at the house? If you tell me, I promise to make your death relatively painless.

"Victor": Gee, thanks.

Paul Haas: Believe me, considering all the pain your daughters have caused over the years, that would be a gift. The women, who were they?

"Victor": I don't know who the other one was, the others are cousins, moving in.

Paul Haas: No, they're not. I am.

(Suddenly, "Wyatt" orbs in. The demons laugh.)

Paul Haas: You've got to be kidding, right? You think that he can stop us all?

"Victor": Try him.

(Paul Haas watches "Wyat". "Wyatt" stretches his arm and blasts Paul against a wall. The demons create Energy Balls. One of them throws one, and "Wyatt" blasts it in the direction of the other demon. He is vanquished. Paul Haas throws another Energy Ball, and "Wyatt" freezes it in mid-air. He blasts the other demon right into it, causing the demon to be vanquished. Paul Haas gets up.)

"Victor": Spread the word: leave us alone, or he'll kill you all.

(Paul looks at "Wyatt" and flames out. "Wyatt" looks at "Victor" and they smile to each other.)

[Scene: Underworld.]

(Several demons are in a lair. Paul Haas flames in.)

Demon: Where are the others?

Paul Haas: Vanquished. It was a set-up.

(Haas growls.)

Paul Haas: It was planned. And not by the boy, he's not old enough. It could be that the Charmed Ones are still alive.

(The crowd of demons starts whispering.)

[Scene: San Francisco, Victor's apartment.]

(Paige enters the apartment.)

Paige: Well, how'd it go?

("Victor" glamours into Phoebe and "Wyatt" glamours into Piper.)

Phoebe: What do you think?

Piper: I think it worked. I don't think he would've left unless he got the message.

Phoebe: Question is, will he deliver?

Paige: And will it stick?

Piper: I think so. The whole Underworld is afraid of Wyatt. Appearantly, my little guy's reputation proceeds itself.

(She goes sitting on the couch.)

Phoebe: So that's it? We can get back to our lives now?

Paige: Whatever those are.

Phoebe: Well, one of them has wedding bells in them.

Paige: Huh?

Phoebe: Later.

Paige: Okay.

Piper: Well, just as long as we're still demon free, that's all that matters.

Phoebe: Oh, lookie, lookie, who's finally come around.

(She goes sitting next to Piper.)

Piper: I told you I just needed a little time and, you know, a very big reminder of what our lives used to constantly be like.

Phoebe: Right.

Paige: We still have the little witch to contend with.

(Piper and Phoebe look at each other.)

Piper: Oh, no, we don't.

(She gets up and walks over to Paige.)

Piper: We don't. Uhm, you do. She's your charge.

(Phoebe walks over to them.)

Paige: No.

Piper: Yeah.

(Piper opens the door and leaves the apartment.)

Phoebe: Maybe you won't hear from her again.

(Paige sighs and follows Phoebe, who's leaving the apartment as well.)

Paige: I have a feeling she'll be sticking around for a while.

[Scene: Campus, dorm.]

(The chick in black isn't dressed in black anymore and puts her gloves back into a drawer and her black wig back into her cabinet. On another shelf of the cabinet, she hides the athame in a towel. She lays her sunglasses in another shelf. She watches herself in the mirror. Someone knocks at the door.)

Girl: Billie, where are you? We're late for class.

Chick in Black (Billie): Yeah, just a minute.

(She grabs her backpack and leaves her dorm.)

END

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