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She's a Man, Baby, a Man!/Script

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Written by: Javier Grillo-Marxuach

Season 2, Episode 05

[Scene: P3.]

Phoebe: Oh, I cannot believe this heat wave. It’s 2 a.m. How can it be so hot when there’s no sun.

Piper: Tell me about it. (Phoebe gets an ice cube and rubs it on her neck.) The Cranberries are playing an animal right benefit here on Saturday and it’s gonna be a million degrees in here. (Piper notices Phoebe with the ice.) Uh, Phoebe... you keep making like you’re on red shoes diaries and I’m gonna have to bust out a can of man repellent. (Two guys are staring at Phoebe.) All right, people, move a long. Nothing to see here. Goodness. Am I going to have to hose you down?

Phoebe: I can’t help it. It’s not my fault. I’m in a highly excited state right now. Not that I’d mind being hosed down with water. I feel like I’m on fire. Feel my forehead.

(Piper touches Phoebe’s forehead.)

Piper: Phoebe, you’re burning up.

Phoebe: I know, tell me about it. (Piper gets a wet towel.) Something’s happening to me, Piper. Something really freaky.

Piper: Sweetie, Uh, I think you need to call a Doctor.

Phoebe: But I... I... I don’t feel sick. (Piper hands the towel to Phoebe.) I just... I feel... I feel... hot, aroused. Uh... I’ve been having this dream, Piper. This... Sex dream. It’s not like I haven’t dreamt about sex before, because I have, you know. But this... this is different. This feel real. Swank penthouse love den, candles, satin sheets...

Piper: Okey-Dokey. I get the point.

Phoebe: But every night it’s with a different man... telling me that I’m irresistible and then we... lets just say we could win the golden medal in the hugh hefner Olympics.

Piper: And this is a bad thing?

Piper: No. It’s a good thing. It’s... it’s a very good thing. Until I kill them.

Piper: That’s how your dream ends? You kill the guy?

Phoebe: Each and every night, Piper. I told you, something is wrong with me.

Piper: There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s a dream. A metaphor for an extreme sexual frustration. Trust me, I should know.

(Prue comes in.)

Prue: Oh, good. We’re decoding men.

Piper: Prue, what are you doing here?

Prue: I can tell you what I’m not doing. I’m not lighting candles. I’m not getting a back rub and I’m not running a hot bubble bath for two.

Phoebe: Hmm. Things didn’t go well with Alan?

Prue: Well, see, that’s the thing. I’m not really sure. I mean, third date, hot night, romantic dinner, and then he drops me off with barely even a kiss good night. I’m a little confuse.

Piper: Well, that’s not necessarily an officially rejection. I mean, when they say "I’ll call you" that’s the kiss of death. Maybe he just got nervous.

Prue: Yeah or maybe he’s just not interested. I mean, I gave out all the signals for him to move forward and he ran away. Men don’t just run away when you give them all the signals, right? So, what gives?

Phoebe: Okay. That’s enough talk about men for me! I need to go home and take a long, cold shower and have a good night’s sleep. I hope.

Piper: Sweet dreams. Don’t kill anyone (to Prue) Don’t ask.

(Phoebe leaves.)

[Scene: Manor. Phoebe's bedroom. Phoebe’s asleep. We see her dream. We can see a guy laying on the bed.]

Guy: I can’t believe we’re doing this. You’ve gotta be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Either I’m dreaming or I’m falling in love. Oh, man, I’m definitely falling in love. Where have you been my entire life. You’re irresistible.

(As he says that, the woman’s tongue goes down the man’s mouth. Phoebe awakes and she screams.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Bucklands. Prue walks in her office. She gets a little mirror out of her purse and checks her hair and make-up. She walks back outside and looks at an auction item. She sees Alan.]

Prue: Ooh, Alan, hi!

Alan: Hi. Man, it’s hot, huh? Bad day for the a/c to be on the fritz.

Prue: Yeah, bad day. Uh, listen, Alan.

Alan: Hey, Davis, can you hold the elevator, please? Thanks. Sorry, I’m late for meeting.

Prue: Okay, uh, Alan, just out of curiosity. Did something happen on our date last night to upset you... or something?

Alan: Upset? No, no, not at all. Actually, I had a great time. We should do it again. I’ll call you.

(He leaves.)

Prue: The kiss of death.

(Morris comes in.)

Morris: Speaking of deadly kisses, I need to speak to you, Prue.

Prue: Sure, Darryl.

Morris: Everything okay?

Prue: You know, you’re a guy. Maybe you can explain this to me. Why is it that one moment guys are sending out all these signals and then, the next, they just turn them off like a switch? What do you men want anyway? (They stand outside Prue’s office.) Well, it’s nice to see that while romance may be dead, chivalry isn’t. So, what’s up, Morris?

Morris: Four men have been killed over the last four nights ever since this heat wave started. I think the murders are gonna continue but I don’t have any suspects.

Prue: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.

Morris: Look. You and I have got this game we play, right? You know that I know you’ve got a secret. You also know I don’t wanna know what it is. But if any way it can help stop this ...

(He shows her the pictures of the victims.)

Prue: Oh my god. What happened to them?

Morris: Severe cerebral trauma. Although the medical examiner can’t figure out exactly how. He also can’t figure out how of the men were drained of all their testosterone. That's not something you find everyday. I need help on this one, Prue. The kind of help I think only you can provide.

Prue: Do the victims have anything else in common?

Morris: They were each members of a dating service called "Fine Romance". I’ve already got the place staked out. But they’ve got too many clients for me to watch and too many potential and too many potential suspects for me to track. If the pattern continues, somebody’s gonna die tonight. I know it and I can’t stop it.

Prue: I’ll see what I can do.

Morris: I don’t want you to get hurt. Find out what you can, slip it to me. The brass is watching me on this one. This can’t turn out to be another unexplained case.

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe's lying on the couch with the fan going. Piper brings Phoebe some juice.]

Phoebe: I’m telling you, Piper. Last night’s dream was no dream. Or premonition even. It was real. I felt it. I was so turned on and then.. and then... I killed him. (she drinks the juice)

Piper: Phoebe, you didn’t kill anyone.

Phoebe: I could feel his body shake uncontrollably beneath mine.

Piper: And now you’re making me sick.

Phoebe: How do you think I feel? I’m living it. I can still taste his blood.

(Piper puts the thermometer in Phoebe’s mouth.)

Piper: Okay!

(Prue walks in.)

Prue: Is anybody home?

Piper: In here. It’s not lunch yet. What are you doing home?

Prue: Morris came to visit (She sees Phoebe with the thermometer). Pheebs, are you ok?

Phoebe: I’m so hot. (Prue touches her forehead.) 100.5 degrees hot.

Piper: But she won’t go see a Doctor. What did, uh, Morris want?

Prue: Help.

(She hands Piper the files with the victims’ pictures.)

Piper: Oh.

(Phoebe recognizes the men in her dreams.)

Phoebe: Oh my God. It’s the guys. All of them.

Piper: Phoebe, you were dreaming.

Phoebe: Of each and every one of the victims? I don’t think so. I could see them through my own eyes. Feel every touch, smell every smell.

Prue: How long have you had this feeling?

Phoebe: The last four nights.

Prue: Since the murders began.

Phoebe: Coincidence? I think not.

Piper: Well, maybe your powers are growing. Maybe you can get premonitions in your sleep now.

Prue: Or maybe you’re just psychically linked to the demon on its wavelength or something.

Phoebe: Or maybe I’m the killer. Come on you guys. It’s not like there’s no precedent. Piper turned into a werewolf once, remember?

Piper: A Wendigo.

Phoebe: Whatever.

Prue: Look, if you are psychically connected, maybe you can go to the dating service, touch some of the tapes of the potential suspects, see if you can get a psychic flash.

Piper: It’s worth to shot. Then I’ll stay here and see if I can find anything in the Book of Shadows

Phoebe: I’m sorry. Wait a minute. I tell you that maybe I’m some kind of man-killing demon and you want me to go to the bachelor central?

Prue: Phoebe, we have to do something. Otherwise someone else is going to die tonight.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Outside Fine Romance. Morris and his partner, Smith, are watching some suspects in the car. They see Prue and Phoebe and Smith starts taking photos of them.]

Smith: Oh, man. Look the racks on those babes, huh?

Morris: Just do your job, Smith, okay?

Smith: I am doing my job, Morris. I’m taking pictures of potential suspects. And if you ask me, those two suspects got a lot of potential.

[Cut to inside Fine Romance.]

Darla: Hi, welcome to Fine Romance. I’m Darla. How can I help you?

Phoebe: My sister Prue would like to sign up.

Prue: I would?

Phoebe: Yes you would while I look around.

Prue: Right.

(Phoebe walks away from her.)

Darla: Well, Prue, today is your lucky day. Because we are running a special. One year, unlimited access to our internet and video library, with a money-back guarantee, for only $3,500.

Prue: 3,500 bucks? Okay, I could buy a man for that.

Darla: Oh, I can always tell the frustrated ones. You’ve been having man troubles lately, haven’t you?

[Cut to Phoebe. She bumps into a guy.]

Phoebe: Oh... oh.

Owen: I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

Phoebe: I’m sorry. I didn’t... I didn’t see you.

Owen: Oh.. it’s not a problem... it’s not a problem at all.

Phoebe: Uh... uh... do you work here?

Owen: No, actually I just, uh, I just signed up.

(She laughs.)

Phoebe: Really?

Owen: Yeah.

Phoebe: I mean, it’s just that... you don’t seem like the type that needs help finding date.

Owen: Ditto. Oh, um, I’m Owen. Owen Grant.

Phoebe: Phoebe .

(As she touches his hand, she gets a premonition of him been killed.)

Phoebe: Uh, uh... I have to... I have to go. Okay, I’m sorry. Excuse me.

Owen: But, Phoebe.

Phoebe: Sorry.

[Cut back to Prue.]

Darla: Congratulations, Prue. Your days of having trouble with men are over. See you at tonight’s mixer?

Prue: Okay, you know, for your information, I do not have man troubles. Financial ones, now, yes. But definitely not man troubles.

(Phoebe comes in.)

Phoebe: We’re out of here.

Prue: She... you.

Phoebe: Okay.. it’s okay... it’s all right.

Prue: I don’t. Honestly. (to Phoebe) Tell her.

Phoebe: She doesn’t.

(They leave.)

[Scene: Manor. Piper is watching Dan washing his car through the window. Prue and Phoebe walk inside.]

Prue: Piper?

Piper: You’re back.

Phoebe: Did you find anything in the Book?

Piper: The book?

Prue: Or were you too busy looking at something else?

Piper: Uh, I was looking. You should see what I found.

(Prue and Phoebe look out the window.)

Prue: Oh, I see what you found, all right. Great tan, nice body.

Piper: (reading the Book of Shadows) "When a witch renounces all human emotions and makes a pact with darkness to protect herself from heartbreak, she becomes a Succubus... a sexual predator."

Phoebe: Let me see that (reading the book) "She seeks out powerful men who become helpless against her magic, then feeds on their testosterone with her razor-sharp tongue." So, this monster is an evil sexually-charged witch?

Prue: Yeah, but it’s not you, Phoebe. Because you didn’t make a pact with Darkness, right?

Piper: And as far as we know, you don’t have a razor-sharp tongue. Here’s a spell to attract the Succubus and destroy it with fire.

Phoebe: (reading the book) "A flaming death for yours truly"? I don’t think so.

Prue: Well, we have to catch this thing, right? So, what if I cast a spell to attract it and if it turns out to be you who’s attracted to me, then Piper will freeze the room and we’ll go from there. Fair enough?

[Cut to the attic. Drawn on the floor with chalk is the symbol for male. There's lit candles around it and Prue's sitting inside with the Book Of Shadows.]

Prue: "By the forces of heaven and hell, draw to us this woman fell, rend from her foul desire, that she may perish as a moth of fire".

(Fire burns around Piper.)

Piper: See? I knew it wasn’t you.

Phoebe: I didn’t burn. I’m okay.

Prue: (with a man's voice) I’m not.

(They turn and see Prue as a man.)

Phoebe, Piper: Oh!! Oh my God.

Piper: I don’t believe it.

Prue: We have a new problem.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Outside Prue's bedroom.]

Piper: Prue, please come out.

Prue: Not until you reverse this spell.

Phoebe: Come on. It’s been over an hour already. (to Piper) Do you think she’s touching herself?

Piper: The book doesn’t say anything about a reversal. Maybe you’re supposed to stay a man until you attract the Succubus.

Prue: Well, I’m not going anywhere.

Phoebe: See?

Piper: Shh... (to Prue) You don’t really have a choice. I’m thinking we need to get you to the dating service since that’s where the Succubus picks her victims.

Phoebe: That’s actually a really good idea. She could... he can sign up like the rest of the guys.

Prue: Hey, I’m not signing up for anything.

Piper: Lives are at stake, Prue. Innocent men are going to die... we’re your sisters, Prue. You don’t have to be embarrassed. We’re not gonna laugh.

(She/he opens the door.)

Prue: How can I save anyone? Okay, I look ridiculous. I’m wearing clothes from the ex-boyfriend’s pile. (Phoebe starts to laugh.) I have hair in strange places and I have penis. (to Phoebe) This is not funny.

(She/he closes the door again.)

Piper: What’s matter with you?

Phoebe: I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it.

Piper: Prue, you don’t have actually to date anyone. All you have to do is make yourself seen and available.

Phoebe: You know, Prue, the sooner you trap the Succubus, the sooner you’ll become a woman again.

(She opens the door.)

Prue: It’s easier said than done.

[Cut to downstairs.]

Piper: Okay, confidence. The walk, the talk, the handshake. It’s all about confidence.

Phoebe: Sports. Men like sports.

Piper: And sincerity... that’s the key.

Phoebe: But what really makes a man is the clothes he wears, the car he drives and the money he earns... according to Cosmo.

Prue: Okay, helping, you’re supposed to be helping.

Phoebe: Okay. Let’s work on your walk.

Piper: All you have to do is visualize a man that you admire and then you emulate him. You know, the walk will follow.

Prue: A man that I admire... all right... I got that.

Piper: Okay.

(She/he walks and then does a girlie turn at the end.)

Piper: The man you admire is Richard Simmons?

(Piper and Phoebe laugh. Doorbell rings.)

Phoebe: Okay, I’ll get Morris’ files. Try to put together a list of attributes the Succubus is attracted to. You two get the door.

Prue: What?

Phoebe: Well, think of it as a practice run for the dating service. Oh, oh... I know. Tom Hanks... everybody loves Tom Hanks. Think of him.

Prue: Tom Hanks.

Phoebe: Everybody loves him.

(Prue and Piper answer the door.)

Piper: Dan.

Dan: Hi, I didn’t mean to interrupt but my freezer broke and I wanted to see if I could get some ice from you... guys.

Piper: Uh, oh, Dan, this is... this is... this is Manny. Manny Hanks. He’s my... uh... he’s my friend.

Dan: Well, it’s nice to meet you.

(Dan shakes Prue's hand.)

Phoebe: (screaming from the kitchen) Piper, come in here, quick.

Piper: Okay, coming. I’ll be right back with that ice.

Prue: (to Piper) Oh, wait, no.

Piper: (whispering to Prue/Manny) He’s a good man.

(Piper goes to the kitchen.)

Dan: Have we met before? You look familiar.

Prue: Hmm.

Dan: So, have you known the sisters long?

Prue: I’m, uh, the brother they never had.

[Cut to the kitchen.]

Piper: What happened?

Phoebe: Oh, I just... I had one of those hot flashes, the Succubus visions. Piper, I think I really am psychically connected to that thing. I see what she sees, feel what she feels. I felt excited.

Piper: Excited happy or excited aroused?

Phoebe: Piper, she’s in heat, okay. And so am I.

Piper: Well, that explains why you are burning up. Your libido must be connected to the succubus’

Phoebe: Yeah, it’s like I have no control over.

(She gets a new flash.)

Phoebe: It just happened again. I saw egg sacs. Oh my God. I think she’s pregnant or ready to hatch.

Piper: You mean, there’s gonna be a whole brood of them killing men?

Phoebe: Unless we stop her, I think that’s exactly her plan.

[Cut back to the foyer.]

Dan: So, Piper isn’t seeing anyone?

(Prue tries to copy Dan's moves.)

Prue: No, not really.

Dan: So Piper is seeing someone?

Manny/Prue: No, not really...God. I would just hate to see her with a guy who, oh, lets say on the third date just runs away. Don’t you just hate men like that?

Dan: I don’t know any men like that.

Manny/Prue: Oh... ha... How about those "niners"?

(Piper and Phoebe walks in)

Piper: Ok, here’s your ice.

Dan: Thanks.

Phoebe: Oh, you’re welcome. Ok, bye bye. Take care. Tell Jenny we said "hi", ok? All right, good.

(He leaves)

Piper: So?

Manny/Prue: We’re in big problems.... huge.

[Scene: Fine Romance. Video area. Prue/Manny is doing her videotape.]

Manny/Prue: You know, I think that it’s the smaller things that I look for in a relationship, you know, like... listen to your partner, kindness, respect, I mean, as far as I’m concerned there’s nothing sexier, nothing hotter than someone who respects him... herself, because, you know, if she respects herself, then she respects others.

Jan: Can I just say that you are really in touch with your feminine side.

Manny/Prue: You have no idea

[Fine romance. Reception desk.]

Phoebe: His name is Owen. He signed up earlier today.

Darla: Hm. Dr. Owen Grant.

Phoebe: Doctor? Hmm.. yeah. I guess that’s him. Do you have any way I could get in touch with him? It’s really important.

Darla: Well, you could join for $3,500 and view his tape

Phoebe: Hmm... huh! Piper?

Piper: Hmm? Hmm!

(Piper freezes the room. Phoebe gets Dr. Owen’s file. Then she sees Dan’s files.)

Phoebe: I do not believe it.

Piper: What?

Phoebe: Looks like neighbor Dan signed up, too... interested?

(Piper smiles. Phoebe hands her Dan’s file.)

Phoebe: Let’s go.

(They leave)

[Outside Fine Romance.]

Smith: Boy, a guy could do some serious damage in there, you know? Just drop all the pretense and go all caveman.

Morris: You’re really something, you know that, Smith?

Smith: I know it. That’s what ladies tell me.... Man, it’s boiling.

Morris: Yes, it is.

Smith: I think I’ll do a little investigating inside.

Morris: Oh, Whoa!!! No. You’re not going anywhere.

Smith: Come on. It’s a mixer, right? I want to go inside and mix it up.

[Inside Fine Romance.]

Phoebe: Do you think the Succubus already got the Owen? I mean, what if we’re too late?

(Piper is looking at Dan’s file)

Piper: You would have had a psychic flash if we were and since you haven’t, we’re not.

Phoebe: Oh, there he is... hey, you know... maybe I should take him back to the manor to keep him safe.

Piper: You and him? At the Manor? Alone?

Phoebe: Well, I’m just gonna talk to him

Piper: Well, we can just talk to him here. I’m gonna go back to the video area and, uh, check up on Prue.

Phoebe: Uh, huh... don’t forget Dan’s tape. (Piper grabs Dan’s tape and leaves.) Hi

Owen: Hi

[Video area.]

Prue: So, what are you saying is my video will now be available to all of your clients. So what with internet access, I should be able to meet women as soon as when?

Jan: Mr. Hanks. Something tells me that you could be dating as soon as tomorrow. This is one great tape.

[Scene: Later. Video area.]

(Piper is watching Dan’s tape.)

Dan: I’m sorry.. I.. I.. I just... I can’t do this.

Jan: Oh, come on. Your sister paid for this, Mr. Gordon. You can do it.

Dan: Oh.. this just isn’t me.

Jan: Give it a try. Just speak from your heart. What are you looking for in a woman?

Dan: What do I look for? I don’t know. I’m an old-fashioned, I guess. I look for the girl-next-door. Someone with a good heart, good personality, and looks to match. The kind of girl that... when I leave for work in the morning... I wait just... a little bit... till she leaves for work too. Just to catch a glimpse of that long dark hair, that great smile, hoping that maybe, one day... she’ll notice that I’m watching her. Then she’ll smile back at me.

(Piper just smiles.)

[Scene: Mixer.]

Owen: Do you, huh, do you wanna get out of here and take a walk or something

Phoebe: Uh, I...I...I... would... I would love to. Really. But... but I can’t

Owen: You can’t. Why?

Phoebe: Uh, it’s it’s hard, I mean, to explain, you know? Is it really hot in here?

Owen: You know what? I’m gonna get you something to drink. I’ll be right back

Phoebe: Ok

(She gets a new flash)

Phoebe: Oh, no... she’s here... Piper!!!

Owen: Hey, what’s going on? Are you ok?

Phoebe: Yeah. We need to get you out of here, fast. Okay? Follow me. Uh, if you could just stand here for a minute and just stay in my sight, ok?

Owen: Okay.

Phoebe: Uh (Piper) She’s here. I felt her.

Piper: What? Where is she?

Phoebe: I don’t know but she’s in the room, somewhere. She could be after Owen.

Piper: Well, then get him out of here. Fast!

Phoebe: Ok.

(Smith grabs Phoebe’s wrist)

Smith: Oh, where are you going, honey?

Phoebe: Excuse me.

Smith: I’d like to have a little talk with you... in private.

(She gets a new flash)

Morris: What the hell’s the matter with you, Smith? Let her go.

Phoebe: Manny, it’s Owen... take him out. Fast

(Manny/Prue punches Owen)

Piper: What are you doing? Your... Your powers

Smith: Hey hey, that’s enough, all right. You’re under arrest

(Manny/Prue punches him too)

Morris: That’s it. You’re under arrest, pal. Get up and cuff the other, Smith.

Piper: This is... this is bad. This is really bad.

(Phoebe gets a flash.)

Phoebe: It’s getting worse.

Piper: Huh?

Phoebe: The Succubus isn’t attract to Owen, anymore. She’s attracted to Prue.

Piper: Perfect.

[Scene: Police station.]

Morris: Wanna me to release him? Your friend punched a cop.

Phoebe: Four men have died in last four nights, but none so far tonight. Why do you think that is?

Piper: Because of Manny, that’s why.

Phoebe: And if he stays in jail, another innocent man might get killed.

Morris: I suppose you want me to release this, uh... this Dr. Owen Grant, too, huh?

Phoebe: Uh, no, actually. He’s still a potential victim. As long as he’s here, he’s safe. You can’t let him out.

Morris: This is going to bite me in the ass. I know it is.

[Scene: Next morning. Manor.]

Manny/Prue: You know, I’m surprised we men ever get anything done, you know. All I seem to think about is sex. It’s like it’s nonstop. Really debilitating.

(Phoebe is with the thermometer in her mouth again.)

Phoebe: Tell me about it. Hey, did you fix the air conditioning.

Manny/Prue: Yeah, I just had to clean the filter. Air flow clog must have thrown the breaker.

(Phoebe looks at her/him)

Phoebe: Hmm.

(Piper walks in)

Piper: Guess who that was? Alan, from Bucklands.

Manny/Prue: Alan... wait? He actually called.

Piper: Yeah and he wants to go out with you again. So much for our rejection theory.

Manny/Prue: Well, what did you tell him?

Piper: I went out on a limb and told him you were feeling a bit hormonal.

Phoebe: 102.5 degrees. Probably normal for Succubus.

Piper: But not so good for you. I really think you should call a Doctor.

Phoebe: Piper, there’s nothing he can do. It’s the connection with Succubus. It’s getting stronger. Probably because she missed her nightly feeding. She didn’t get Owen or Prue. She needs to kill. I can feel it.

Piper: Ok, what are we gonna do?

Manny/Prue: All right, I got a plan. The dating service called. Turns out my video broke some kind of house record. 20 hits this morning. One of them might to be Succubus. So I lined up dates with all of them.

Piper: What?

Manny/Prue: Yep! At your club. Starting at 6.

Piper: Oh, no no no no. Not tonight. The Cranberries are coming in for a sound check before the benefit tomorrow. I can’t risk scaring them away.

Manny/Prue: That’s no problem. I’ll just nail the Succubus before they get there.

Piper: Oh, you’re gonna nail her, are you? Oh, so this whole man thing, this sort of short-circuits the old "maybe I should consult my sisters" wiring, now, doesn’t it? Just step right in and take over.

Phoebe: Didn’t start happening until she sucker-punched Owen.

Manny/Prue: You had a problem, I fixed it.

Phoebe: Oh, you bet your butt, you did. You nearly broke his jaw

Manny/Prue: I saved his life. Look, you’re the one who told me I had to practice being a man, right? So I acted on instinct. And tell you the truth, the moment that I hit him, I felt powerful and strong. Like somehow that made me a man.

Piper: You wanna know how to be a real man? Look at Dan. Honest, kind, good heart. The type of guy who would risk being late to work just to make you smile. Not some bully who walks around thinking one punch is gonna change anything.

(She leaves)

Manny/Prue: She learned all that, just from looking out a window?

(Manny/Prue and Phoebe look out a window and see Dan)

Phoebe: Oh, yeah! Nice body, great tan.

Manny/Prue: Awesome truck.

Phoebe: You know, I think you really are becoming a man

[Scene: Outside P3.]

Smith: Ow, Man... look at that. Look at that. I can hardly even see out of that and you let him walk.

Morris: Try looking at the club for a while. sooner we catch the perp, sooner I can have you reassigned.

Smith: Fine.

[Scene: P3.]

Phoebe: I just hope that the Succubus gets here fast because I’m dying.

Piper: Okay, focus on the plan. Manny lures the Succubus into the alley and then I freeze her and...

Phoebe: And then he uses his testosterone-charged powers to fend her off until she burst into flames. I got it.

(Phoebe sees Manny/Prue)

Phoebe: Uh, did Manny just check out that girl’s butt?

Piper: Oh, God. This is starting to get weird.

Phoebe: It’s Starting to get weird? Where ya been?


Alan: Hey

Manny/Prue: Hey... You don’t recognize me, do you?

Alan: No, sorry. Should I?

Manny/Prue: Uh, I work at Bucklands with Prue Halliwell. Manny, Manny Hanks.

Alan: Alan Stanton. Nice to meet you. So, you know Prue, huh?

Manny/Prue: Yeah, we go way back.

Alan: Huh, Prue and I actually dated. Few times. When it comes to dating these days, I just can’t figure out what they want. It’s a real confusing time to be a man.

Manny/Prue: You mean, like in... huh, what way?

Alan: Like every way. Even opening doors or pulling out chairs. Some women expect it. Other women hate it. You never know which camp they’re in until it’s too late.

Manny/Prue: Which camp do you think Prue’s in?

Alan: Prue? The good one. The one that likes it. She’s cool.

Manny/Prue: I had no idea... I mean, I bet she had no idea. Have you told her?

Alan: Are you kidding? Probably scare her away if I haven’t already.


Piper: Where’s Prue? I lost her... him

Phoebe: She’s over there talking with A...

(Phoebe gets a flash)

Piper: What?

Phoebe: The Succubus. She’s here. I’m seeing what she’s seeing.

Piper: What? Where is she?

Phoebe: She’s here somewhere. She just spotted Prue. Wait... isn’t that the woman from the dating service? The one that videotaped Prue?


Alan: I mean, you know, Prue. She’s on the rebound. And I respect her too much to force the issue. I didn’t want to move too fast. Although I think about it now, maybe I went too slow and got her mad at me. Some damn confusing rules, you know what I mean.

Manny/Prue: Yeah, I’m beginning to.

(Manny/Prue’s cell phone rings)

Manny/Prue: Yeah.

Piper: Prue, she’s here. Get to the alley, quick. It’s Jan from the dating service. The one on the red dress

Manny/Prue: Right on my way (to Alan) Sorry, Alan, Gotta go.

[Scene: P3.]

Phoebe: Hi hi hi hi... Jan. Right? From a Fine Romance?

Jan: Yes... have we met?

(Phoebe gets a new flash and realizes that it’s not Jan)

Phoebe: It’s not you.

[Scene: Alley.]

Darla/Succubus: Hello, Manny.

(Manny/Prue tries to use her/him power but he/she can’t)

Manny/Prue: What’s happening to me?

Darla/Succubus: You’re falling in love. You want me. You need me. Tell me I’m irresistible. Tell me.

Manny/Prue: You’re irresistible.

(Succubus is about to use her razor-sharp tongue when Piper and Phoebe show up and Piper freezes her.)

Piper: Whoa! What happened? Why didn’t you use your power?

Manny/Prue: I don’t know. I was trying to use it and it wouldn’t work. And then I felt like I was... huh.

Phoebe: Impotent?

Manny/Prue: You know, a little advice about men, Phoebe. When we fail at something, generally we don’t like to hear that we’re....

Phoebe: Impotent?

Manny/Prue: Yeah!

(Darla/Succubus unfreezes)

Piper: Oh, no

(Smith and Morris show up)

Smith: Freeze right there

(She knocks him out)

Morris: Stop or I’ll shoot. Stop

(He sees her razor-sharp tongue and shoots her)

Morris: She’s dead. But I don’t know what was? You guys ok?

Piper: I think so.

Manny/Prue: (to Phoebe) Okay, how come I’m still a man?

[Scene: Coroner's office.]

Doctor: Toxicology won’t be back for a week but the preliminary blood panel did show something odd. This woman’s endocrine system showed high level of testosterone

Smith: Testosterone? How’s that even possible?

Doctor: Won’t know for certain until the autopsy but if it turns out to be accurate, you’ve definitely got the killer you’ve been looking for.

Smith: I’m telling you, there’s something really weird about this. It’s a real shame. She’s a babe.

(The Doctor leaves and Succubus kills Smith.)

[Scene: Attic.]

Piper: I don’t understand. It says to attract and destroy the Succubus. She will come to us and burst into flames.

Manny/Prue: Well, it came all right but it certainly didn’t burst. And worse, I’m still a man. What I don’t understand is why wasn’t I able to use my powers?

Piper: I don’t know.

(She looks out the window)

Manny/Prue: You know, men are just as afraid of being rejected as women are. Trust me. That’s probably why Dan hasn’t asked you out. He’s afraid you’ll say no.

Piper: Like you’d know. Do you?

Manny/Prue: I’m a guy, aren’t I?

(Phoebe walks in)

Phoebe: Guys, the Succubus. She’s still alive. I felt her kill again

Piper: Oh, no!

Manny/Prue: Why wasn’t I able to destroy her?

Phoebe: We can still finish this.

Manny/Prue: How? I mean, she knocked me out, guys. I mean, really. It was like I was in a trance. I was weak in the knees and for a moment I felt her need not to be reject as though it would devastate her.

Phoebe: Great. We’re dealing with a sensitive man-killing demon.

Manny/Prue: Well, we gotta be missing something. You two keep looking. I gotta go take a leak.

Piper, Phoebe: Don’t forget to put the seat back down.

Manny/Prue: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

(Manny/Prue walks out)

Piper: Anything there?

Phoebe: No. Nothing at all.

(Phoebe gets a new flash)

Piper: Phoebe!

Phoebe: She’s here. The Succubus... She’s in the house.

(They hear a noise like something broking.)

Piper: Prue!!!


Piper: Prue? Where’d she go?

(They she the broken window)

[Darla/Succubus' place.]

Darla/Succubus: I watched your tape over and over again. The things you said, I...

(Prue/Manny is on the bed)

Darla/Succubus: You can’t resist me

[Scene: Manor. Attic.]

Piper: We have to find Prue, Phoebe. Or she’s dead

Phoebe: I’m connected again. I’m seeing Prue. She’s alive

Piper: Where is she?

Phoebe: The same place the others victims were but I don’t know where that is. God. I’m gonna watch her kill Prue end there’s nothing I can do about it.

Piper: Wait. Listen to me. I have an idea. If you’re connected to the Succubus, then the Succubus is connected to you, right?

Phoebe: What are you talking about?

Piper: You have to reverse the psychic connection. You have to use your power to project back to the Succubus to help Prue resist her. What’s the Succubus saying?

Phoebe’s flash.

Darla/Succubus: Tell me you want me.

Manny/Prue: I want you.

Phoebe: She wants Prue to want her.

Piper: Ok, talk through the Succubus. Tell Prue that she doesn’t want her. She’ll never want her. Tell her.

Phoebe’s flash.

Darla/Succubus: Tell me you need me.

Manny/Prue: I need you.

Piper: Talk to Prue like she’s right in front of you, Phoebe. Um, tell her that she is not a man. She’s a woman.

Phoebe’s flash.

Darla/Succubus: Tell me.

Phoebe: You’re not a man. You’re a woman.

Phoebe’s flash

Darla/Succubus: You’re a woman.

Manny/Prue: I’m a woman.

Darla/Succubus: What?

Phoebe: You can resist Prue. Only a man is powerless against me.

  • Phoebe’s flash.

Darla/Succubus: You can resist Prue. Only a man is powerless against me.

Manny/Prue: I can resist you. In fact, I’m rejecting you.

[Scene: Darla/Succubus' place.]

Darla/Succubus: What? You can’t resist me. I’m irresistible.

Manny/Prue: Not to me, you’re not, you bitch.

(Prue/Manny uses her/him power against Succubus and she starts to burst into flame)

Darla/Succubus: Nooooooo!

(Manny/Prue turns into a woman again.)

[Scene: Manor.]

Piper: Are you ok?

Phoebe: I’m fine. And so is Prue.

Piper: What about the Succubus?

Phoebe: She’s dead

[Scene: P3. Prue is wearing a very sexy outfit.]

Phoebe: Oh.. Well, well. And I thought the heat wave was over.

Piper: Yeah, Prue. You look hot.

Prue: I’m just grateful to be back in heels.

Phoebe: Let me see. Oh, yeah. You definitely have that walk down.

Prue: Well, we’ll see if Alan agrees with that.

Phoebe: Alan? I thought you thought he wasn’t interested.

Prue: Yeah, I was wrong. Just a little gender confusion.

Piper: Looks like you learned a few things about being a woman by being a man.

Prue: Actually, I did. I mean, we’re different, which I’m glad about that. But we’re also similar in many ways. You know, we all feel the same emotions. It’s just that if we don’t communicate honestly, then we read between the lines and tend to get everything screwed up.

Piper: And sometimes it’s just up to us to open the door first... take a chance

(They see Dan)

Prue: Oh, you finally called him, huh?

Piper: I got some good advice from the brother I never had. Excuse me.

Prue: You’re welcome.

(She goes to meet Dan.)

Prue: So, what about you, Pheebs?

Phoebe: Me, Uh? (She sees Owen) I actually have an appointment with a Doctor I’ve been dying to see. I’m still running a little bit hot.

Prue: I see that. He winked at you

(Phoebe goes to meet Owen. Cranberries starts to play.)

Piper: Glad you could make it.

Dan: Are you kidding? I’m just glad you called. Truth is I’ve been waiting to call you for some time now.

Piper: Really? I never would guess.

Dan: You wanna dance?

Piper: Sure.

(They join Phoebe and Owen and start to dance.)

Prue: Alan, Hey... Good to see you.

Alan: I’m glad you called back, Prue. I have to admit. I didn’t think you would

Prue: Well, I wasn’t going to at first. But then I met this really nice guy who encouraged me to go ahead

Alan: Yeah? Who is he? I wanna thank him.

Prue: Oh, no. I’ll thank him.... Cranberries.

Alan: Let’s go.

(They join Piper and Dan and Phoebe and Owen. Then we see the girls dancing with their guys)


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