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It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Part 1/Script

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Written by: Curtis Kheel
Transcribed by: Janelle Hackbarth

Season 6, Episode 22
Episode Number: 133

[Scene: Magic School. In the Great Hall, Chris stands on the ladder and pulls out a book from the bookshelf. Paige and Gideon are below, writing a spell.]

Chris: You know, your time travel section is due for a serious overhaul. I mean, I can find more information Googling.

Gideon: Googling?

Chris: Never mind. (Chris steps down.) Any luck with that spell yet?

Paige: You mean since the last two minutes you asked me?

Chris: Look, I’m just getting nervous here, okay? My birthday is in two days, and if I’m not outta here before I’m born…

Paige: What? Something bad you don’t know about could happen?

Chris: I just don’t want to take any chances. Besides, I came here and did what I had to do, and that was to save Wyatt. Now it’s time for me to go home.

(Piper and Leo walk in. Leo’s pushing Piper’s suitcase.)

Paige: Sooner than you might think.

Chris: Oh, no. No, no, no. Not yet. You’re early.

Piper: Oh, relax. I’m just getting a jump on things. I’m not in labor. I’m sending some stuff back to the house.

Chris: Just don’t scare me, okay?

Leo: What’s the matter? Isn’t the spell ready?

Gideon: I think it’s ready. It should work.

Leo: Should work? What do you mean?

Gideon: Well, there are no guarantees with time travel, Leo. You should know that better than anyone. Sorry. There’s always a chance that something might go wrong.

Leo: All right. We’re not taking any chances.

Chris: We might have to. I’m running out of time here.

Leo: No. I’m not sending you through a one-way portal unless I know where you’re gonna land.

Gideon: You can never be certain, unless, of course, you went too. And even then…

Leo: All right. Let’s just forget the spell and start to work on that potion again.

Gideon: But the spell has a better chance of working. It’s the Power of Three.

Leo: Yes, but if something goes wrong, he’ll have extra potion with him and he can come right back.

Piper: I agree. It sounds safer, so why don’t you guys get to work on that? Paige, can you orb these home for me? Just squeeze them into the nursery or something.

Paige: Nursery?

Piper: You did clean out the nursery, right?

Paige: Yeah. No. I was working on the spell. I’m sorry.

Piper: Well, you better hurry, or else Baby Chris will be sleeping in your room.

Paige: Yeah, don’t worry. I’m all over it.

(She goes over to the bags and orbs out.)

Piper: Don’t forget diapers. Lots of diapers.

Chris: Okay. Gotta get outta here.

[Scene: Gideon’s office. Gideon comes in and closes the door. He goes over to a curtain and pulls it back, revealing a mirror.]

Gideon: They’re preparing to send the boy home. (Gideon sits down in a chair. His reflection, Evil Gideon, stays standing.) It’s time.

Evil Gideon: For our plan to work, we have to get the sisters…

Gideon: And Leo and Chris out of the way. Don’t worry. We will.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Outside Halliwell Manor. Phoebe gets out of her car and heads toward the Manor. A woman walks over to her.]

Woman: Hello, Phoebe. Excuse me, Phoebe. Hello.

(Phoebe stops and turns around.)

Phoebe: Hey, Mrs. Noble. What’s up?

Mrs. Noble: What’s up is you parked in my driveway again.

Phoebe: Yeah. Unfortunately, there’s nowhere else to park.

Mrs. Noble: So I should suffer?

Phoebe: Well, you know, Piper’s brining home the baby in a couple of days, and I did a little shopping…

Mrs. Noble: This is getting to be a real problem.

Phoebe: You know what? Just do me a favor. Let me run inside and put these bags down, and then I’ll come outside and move the car. (A police car pulls up.) You called the patrol guy?

Mrs. Noble: This is the third time this week you’ve blocked me.

Phoebe: Yeah, well if your dumpster didn’t take up half the block, then I wouldn’t have to park in your driveway.

(Mrs. Noble’s jaw drops. The patrol officer comes over.)

Mrs. Noble: This is against neighborhood association rules.

Phoebe: (To Patrol Officer) Excuse me, can you write her a citation for that ugly eyesore dumpster there, please?

Patrol Officer: Homeowner’s got a permit.

Phoebe: I don’t have time for this.

(She leaves. Patrol Officer places a ticket on Phoebe’s car.)

[Scene: Piper’s bedroom. Paige is trying to put the bassinet together. Phoebe enters.]

Phoebe: Oh, look at how cute. I remember when baby Wyatt used to fit in there.

(Phoebe puts down her bags.)

Paige: This is not cute. This is the bassinet from hell. Do you know how to put this together?

Phoebe: No, that would be a Leo thing. I still can’t believe we’re bringing home a baby.

(Paige sits on the bed.)

Paige: Yeah, well, this baby’s not gonna have anywhere to sleep.

Phoebe: I know. What made us wait so long to do this baby room?

Paige: We were busy trying to keep Wyatt from turning evil.

Phoebe: Here, let me help you.

(She takes off her jacket.)

Paige: Yeah, which I’m glad we did, but it just means that he’s gonna need a bedroom.

(Phoebe picks up the bassinet.)

Phoebe: Yeah, well, even if he was evil, we’d need another bedroom.

Paige: Yeah, but now with everybody coming home plus one, we’re a room short.

Phoebe: Well, I guess I can sleep on the couch. I just really think we need to focus on the baby right now.

Paige: And on getting Chris home. Oh, remember him? You know? The nephew? The one you’ve been avoiding?

Phoebe: I am not.

Paige: Okay, so why weren’t you helping Gideon and I with the spell?

Phoebe: Because I was helping Leo trying to find the burdock root. It was very hard to find. It’s back-ordered everywhere. (She puts the bassinet down.) You’re right. You know what? We’re just gonna get Chris a new bassinet.

(She sits on the bed.)

Paige: I’m gonna miss him, too, you know.

Phoebe: It sucks. I mean, I know he’s going back to a better future and all. It’s just…we’re just getting to know him you know?

Paige: I know.

(The doorbell rings.)

Phoebe: I forgot to move my car.

(She leaves the room.)

[Cut to downstairs. Phoebe answers the door.]

Phoebe: Sheila.

(Sheila is standing in front of her, crying.)

Sheila: It’s getting to be a habit, isn’t it? Me showing up a wreck.

[Time lapse. Phoebe and Sheila are sitting on the couch in the living room. Phoebe hands Sheila a box of tissues. She takes one.]

Sheila: We never fight, that’s the thing. At least we never used to, but lately, Darryl’s just been so on edge, you know?

Phoebe: Any idea why?

Sheila: Actually, I was hoping you might know.

Phoebe: Me?

Sheila: I went to his work the other day just to say hi and I saw an arrest warrant on his desk, for Chris.

Phoebe: Chris? Are-are you sure?

Sheila: I’m positive. I even asked him about it, if he was gonna make it go away, and that’s when he just lost it. He told me to stay out of it and stay away from you girls from now on. Did something happen that I don’t know about?

Phoebe: A couple of weeks ago, Darryl got really scared when he was trying to cover up for us, and we felt horrible, you know, but obviously, it really affected him.

Sheila: Enough not to cover for Chris?

Phoebe: He got really scared. Maybe you just need to give him some time.

Sheila: Yeah, but that doesn’t help you right now, and it doesn’t help Chris. Look, I-I love Darryl, and I-I know this is eating him up inside, but you girls are like family to us. You don’t turn your back on family.

(Phoebe smiles.)

[Scene: Magic School. Chris draws a large triquetra symbol with chalk on the wall.]

Chris: I wonder how different the future’s gonna be, how much different my life is gonna be. (Chris steps back. Leo walks up to him.)

Leo: I just want you to get home safely. Now remember, if anything seems different, we have another vial of this to get back right away. (Leo gives him a potion.)

Chris: You worry too much, you know that? I’ll be fine.

Leo: I’m your father. It’s my job to worry. Now listen, when you get back there, you gotta take it easy on Wyatt, okay? You can’t hold a grudge.

Chris: Hey, as long as he’s not Ruler of All Evil, I’m cool.

Leo: I’m serious. He’s gonna be different. Good. He’s not gonna remember he wasn’t. So if you really want to change the future, you gotta start with a clean slate.

Chris: Okay. Okay, I get it. How about you? Are you starting with a clean slate?

Leo: How do you mean?

Chris: Like you and mom. Look, all I’m saying is I’d like to know where you two are headed before I go back, that’s all.

Leo: It’s complicated. I’m an Elder. I made a commitment.

Chris: So? It’s not like you haven’t broken the rules before. I’m living proof of that.

Leo: Yeah. We’ll see. Listen, we have enough of this stuff if you want to try a dry run before everybody gets here. What do you think?

Chris: Yeah. Let’s do it.

(Leo throws the potion at the triquetra. Before it hits the wall, the potion breaks. Leo and Chris fold their arms.)

Leo: That should have worked. I’ll get you home, buddy, I promise.

(Leo turns away. After a moment, Chris does too. Drops of blood appear on the floor, heading out the door.)

[Scene: Gideon’s office. The door opens. Gideon appears as he pulls down his hood. He has a cut in his left palm. He TKs the door close. He TKs the curtain open. Evil Gideon is licking the blood of his cut on his right hand.]

Evil Gideon: Their potion almost certainly would have worked.

Gideon: We stopped them just in time, though it…

Evil Gideon: Wasn’t supposed to hurt. (They pull a large glass shard from their palms.) Shall we?

(They put their palms up toward each other and heal each other.)

Gideons: Thank you.

Gideon: At least now they’ll be forced to use our spell.

Evil Gideon: The sooner the better. Wyatt’s magic grows stronger by the day.

Gideon: That much power in one being…

Evil Gideon: Is bound to turn him…

Gideon: Evil.

Evil Gideon: Good. We have to get those that protect him out of the way.

Gideon: Starting with Leo and Chris. (There’s a knock on the door. The door opens and Leo pokes his head in.)

Leo: (Echo) Gideon? (He sees him.) Hey, it looks like we’re gonna need that spell after all. Is there an echo in here?

Gideon: It’s poor acoustics. Have Piper gather her sisters, and I’ll get the spell.

Leo: Okay. You know, I don’t understand what happened. That potion should have worked.

Gideon: Like I said, time travel is tricky. You will still be escorting your son?

Leo: Well, I think so. I think it’s safest, don’t you?

Gideon: Absolutely. Gather everyone together. I’ll be right along.

(Leo leaves. Gideon goes back to the mirror and meets Evil Gideon.)

Gideons: Here they come.

[Scene: Outside Police Station. A police car pulls up into the drive. Phoebe and Paige run to Darryl.]

Phoebe: Darryl.

Paige: Hey Darryl.

Phoebe: Darryl. Stop. (They stop in front of Darryl.) We just need to talk to you.

Darryl: We have nothing to talk about.

Paige: Look, Chris is going home today to his future home.

Phoebe: Yeah, and we were hoping you know, that you could find it in the goodness of your heart, even though we know that you’re mad at us, you know, just, throw away his file.

Paige: The one with the little arrest warrant in it.

Darryl: Apparently, I haven’t made myself clear. I am done covering for you. Done. Now if you’ll excuse me.

(Darryl tries to walk past them, but Phoebe stops him.)

Phoebe: Darryl, think about it. Okay? The cops are gonna come for Chris, and what are they gonna find? They’re gonna find a little itsy-bitsy baby.

Paige: And then they’re gonna find us, which risks exposure.

Darryl: Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you broke Chris out of jail. Inspector Sheridan thinks that Chris’ breakout was an inside job, which, if I’m not careful, could point back to me. I’ve got a family to think about, too, you know. (He sees Inspector Sheridan.) Great. (She stops next to him.) Inspector Sheridan.

Sheridan: Have you seen Chris lately?

Phoebe: Chris who?

Sheridan: (To Darryl) When you have a minute.

(Sheridan and Darryl walk into the office.)

Paige: At least Chris isn’t gonna have to deal with her in the future.

[Scene: Magic school. Leo pushes Wyatt into the Great Hall. Piper walks in. Chris is there.]

Chris: Where are Phoebe and Paige?

Piper: I’m sure they’ll be here soon.

Chris: Soon? Soon is when Dad and I have to go.

Piper: Dad? What do you mean? (To Leo) Wait, you’re gonna go too?

Leo: Just long enough to make sure he gets where he needs to be.

Piper: And when exactly where you gonna tell me about this?

Chris: I told him he didn’t have to come. I don’t need him.

Leo: No. It’s too dangerous. Remember the last time you went through a portal? You were almost dinosaur kibble. I have to go.

(Gideon comes in.)

Gideon: Sorry. I just wanted to go over the spell one more time, make a few tweaks.

Piper: Tweaks? Let me see that.

(Piper takes the spell from Gideon’s hands. Phoebe and Paige orb in.)

Chris: Finally. Where have you two been?

Paige: Sorry. We were a little, uh…held up.

Phoebe: But we’re here now, so let’s get this show on the road, you know? The clock’s a-tickin’. Tick-tock, tick-tock.

Piper: Since when are you in such a hurry to say goodbye?

Phoebe: Well, since something happened with the thing, and the thing, with the thing.

Chris: Huh?

Phoebe: There’s a warrant out for Chris’s arrest.

Leo: What?

Paige: Yeah. I tried to get Darryl to bury it, but he’s not on our side anymore.

Phoebe: It’s okay. We’ve been through worse. We’ll get through this. We’ll figure it out. And if you get back to the future and we’re in jail, you just have to bust us out. (She smiles.) You just go back to that beautiful, peaceful world that you helped create. (She and Chris hug.) I’m really gonna miss you.

Chris: I’ll miss you too.

Paige: Aw. Here comes the huggin’ part.

(She gives him a hug. Chris hugs Piper.)

Piper: Thank you for coming here. I love you.

Chris: I love you so much, mom.

Piper: Now go on. Hurry. You be safe.

Chris: Thanks for all your help.

Gideon: You did a noble thing in coming here.

(Chris looks at Wyatt and makes a shooting sound.)

Chris: Pow. Be good.

(They turn to the triquetra.)

Piper/Phoebe/Paige: In this place and in this hour, we call upon the ancient power, open the door through time and space. (The portal opens.) Create a path to another place. (Chris and Leo walk into the portal.)

[Scene: Magic School. Leo and Chris walk through the portal and see the Evil Charmed Ones and Evil Gideon standing in front of them. Evil Gideon has a hand on Evil Phoebe’s shoulder.]

Chris: Where are we?

[Cut to Magic School. The portal closes. Evil Leo and Evil Chris are there.]

Evil Leo: I have no idea.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Magic School. Takes off from before. Gideon walks up toward Evil Leo.]

Gideon: Something’s gone wrong. Don’t let them leave.

(Evil Leo pushes him backward into Phoebe. They fall down. Chris makes a Darklighter’s crossbow appear. He fires an arrow at Paige. Piper freezes it.)

Piper: Are you out of your mind?

(She knocks the arrow down.)

Evil Leo: (To Evil Chris) Follow me.

(They dark orb out. Piper gasps.)

Phoebe: What the hell was that?

(She and Gideon stand up.)

Gideon: I’m not sure.

Paige: You’re not sure? Chris just tried to kill me, and you’re not sure? We were supposed to send him back to the future, not turn him into a Darklighter.

Piper: Excuse me, people. Those were black orbs. Where did they get black orbs from?

Phoebe: Breathe. Breathe, Piper. You don’t wanna go into labor yet.

(Phoebe rubs Piper’s stomach.)

Paige: Well?

Gideon: Perhaps the spell wasn’t specific enough.

Phoebe: Meaning what?

Gideon: Meaning it worked, obviously. It opened up a portal. Not to another time, but to another world. A parallel world, not just any parallel world. One that’s the exact reverse of ours.

Paige: Reverse like what? Reverse like evil?

Gideon: Precisely. You see, it’s all part of the grand design. A universe destined to maintain balance. Light and dark, yin and yang, good and evil. For good to prevail in this world, then an equally evil world must also exist.

Paige: Well, that’s quite a faulty design, isn’t it?

Gideon: No, it’s not Paige. Balance is everything. Without it, the cosmos doesn’t spin.

Piper: Are you telling me that when our Leo and Chris stepped in there, their evil selves stepped out?

Gideon: Yes. It’s a mirror world. Whatever happens there happens here.

Phoebe: So our Leo and Chris are in their evil world.

Piper: Well, we gotta go get ‘em.

Phoebe: You can’t go get them. You’re not going anywhere.

Paige: Besides, what about those evil fellas that just came through here?

Piper: We’ll go get them later.

Gideon: Actually, I think you should go after them now.

Phoebe: Why?

Gideon: Because for every second that they’re in our world, they risk throwing off the balance by doing something evil.

[Scene: Golden Gate Bridge. Evil Chris drinks some beer as Evil Leo stands by.]

Evil Leo: You ever see anything so good?

Evil Chris: It’s disgusting. Can you believe all the liquor stores are closed in the mornings here? What’s up with that?

Evil Leo: Didn’t stop you from kicking down the door to get in. (Evil Chris nods.) Why didn’t you orb in?

Evil Chris: What’s the fun in that?

(He takes another drink. Evil Leo chuckles. Evil Chris drops the beer bottle.)

Evil Leo: Strange. Everything seems the same, but kinda different, you know? It’s cleaner, it’s happier, it’s more civilized.

(A car crash is heard.)

Evil Chris: Now that’s what I’m talking about.

Evil Leo: This place makes me sick. I gotta get out of here.

Evil Chris: Gives you an idea of what kind of awful, saccharine future I came from, why I had to come back and change it so bad.

Evil Leo: And I’ll always be proud of you for that. You saved Wyatt from turning good. You gave us a second chance. The least I could do is get you back to your future, back to evil.

Evil Chris: Thanks, dad.

Evil Leo: First we gotta get back to our world, though. We’re gonna need the Power of Three to do that.

Evil Chris: Well, we can’t trust those Pollyanna witches. They’re too good. God, who do I have to kill so we can get out of here?

Evil Leo: I think I might know somebody, somebody we can use to force the sisters to help us.

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe is scrying while Paige gets the crystals.]

Phoebe: I don’t understand. If they’re just like our Leo and Chris, then why do we need a crystal cage to trap them?

Paige: So they don’t try to kill us again, for one thing.

Phoebe: Yeah, I don’t think they were trying to kill us. I think that they were just surprised, like we were.

Paige: Yeah, well, I am not taking any chances. Hey, did you get any hits yet?

Phoebe: No, nothing. They must not be doing anything evil.

Paige: Yeah, well, if Gideon’s right, it’s just a matter of time. (In British accent) Besides, we wouldn’t want the cosmos to stop spinning, would we?

Phoebe: It’s so weird to think that there are evil twins of us out there doing the exact same things as we are right now.

Paige: I can’t think about that. It hurts my brain.

(The crystal drops on the map.)

Phoebe: Oh! I got ‘em.

[Scene: Alleyway. Evil Chris smashes the garbage lid over Darryl, being held by Evil Leo. Darryl’s already beaten up. He falls down. Evil Chris tosses the lid aside.]

Darryl: What the hell’s wrong with you? I’m a cop.

Evil Leo: Pretty wimpy-looking one too, if you ask me.

Evil Chris: Nothing like our Darryl. I think that’s the cheapest suit I’ve ever seen. What’s the matter, huh? Girls not paying you enough?

Darryl: Paying me? What has gotten into you?

(Evil Chris grabs him by the collar.)

Evil Chris: Let’s just say I don’t like you coming at me in either world. (He throws him across the alley.) This almost isn’t any fun.

(Darryl point a gun at them.)

Darryl: I don’t care if you are under some kind of spell. Come any closer, I’ll shoot. I swear.

Evil Chris: Gun. (The gun black orbs out of his hands and into Evil Chris’ hand. He laughs.) Now this is fun.

(He points the gun at Darryl.)

Evil Leo: Not yet. We still need him for leverage. He’s no good to us dead. Not yet, anyway.

(He hands Evil Leo the gun. Paige and Phoebe orb in behind Evil Leo and Evil Chris. Paige puts two crystals down.)

Darryl: See? This is the crazy-ass kind of stuff that makes me not wanna have anything to do with you people.

(Paige orbs out.)

Evil Chris: Who are you talking to?

Phoebe: Us.

(They turn around. Phoebe kicks the gun out of Evil Leo’s hands.)

Evil Leo: That’s not gonna stop us.

(Paige orbs in behind them.)

Phoebe: No, but…

Paige: This will.

(Paige puts the crystals down, activating the cage.)

Evil Leo: Son of a bitch.

(He powers up an energy ball. He throws it. It bounces of the cage and they duck.)

Paige: Nice firepower, Leo. I didn’t know you had it in you.

Phoebe: Don’t go anywhere.

(Phoebe and Paige go to help Darryl. He gets up.)

Darryl: Stay away from me.

Phoebe: Darryl, let us take you to Gideon. He can heal you.

Darryl: No! Stay away!

Paige: Darryl, please.

Darryl: I said no! Damn it! Leave me alone. I don’t wanna have anything to do with you people anymore. Don't you understand?

(He leaves.)

Phoebe: Well, I don’t think that helped our cause any.

[Scene: Gideon’s study. Gideon and Evil Gideon are playing chess at the mirror.]

Gideon: My Charmed Ones will be joining you soon. Are you certain you can keep…

Evil Gideon: Mine away? Absolutely, I told them to wait at the manor for the good Leo and Chris to come to them. I’m taking your knight.

(Black knight moves over and smashes the White knight into pieces.)

Gideon: I knew you’d do that. So the next move, of course, is…

Evil Gideon: Piper. Once she’s in labor, we’ll have a clear shot at the boy.

Gideon: If we impress upon her the extent of the danger her sisters are in…

Evil Gideon: It will expedite matters.

Gideon: But everything has to happen quickly. We’re tinkering here with the grand design, risking its tenuous stability…

Evil Gideon: By creating an imbalance of power on one side. I know. But it’s a far greater risk to allow Wyatt to grow up.

Gideon: To threaten both worlds, I agree.

(Gideon TKs a White knight and it smashes the Black Queen. Evil Gideon smiles.)

Evil Gideon: I like the way you think.

Phoebe: (From another room) Gideon?

(Gideon stands up.)

Evil Gideon: No echo.

Gideon: A good sign.

(Evil Gideon stands.)

Evil Gideon: They can never know we were behind this.

Gideon: They won’t.

(Gideon leaves.)

[Cut to Great Hall. Paige and Phoebe are there. Gideon enters.]

Gideon: Did you catch them?

Paige: Yeah. Stuck ‘em in a classroom, and, you know, they can’t orb out of there.

Phoebe: They are a little feistier than the real Chris and Leo. I don't know how we're going to get them to cooperate.

Gideon: Hmm. Well, I'm sure your evil counterparts are anticipating exactly the same problems since, other than morality, you're one and the same.

Phoebe: How does that help us figure out what we're supposed to do?

Gideon: Perhaps you should trade yourselves. You go into their world, they'll come into ours. You can each retrieve your respective Leo and Chris.

Paige: Kind of makes sense.

Phoebe: And what about your evil counterpart? Will he be hip to this plan?

Gideon: I have every confidence that he will be waiting there exactly as I am here. But remember, good or evil, we're all after the same thing – Leo and Chris returned and the cosmic balance restored.

Phoebe: Get Piper. We're gonna need the Power of Three.

[Scene: Magic School. Mirror world. A portal opens and Phoebe and Paige walks through. They see the Magic School darker and more evil.]

Paige: Okay, where is everybody? Isn’t Piper supposed to be here?

Phoebe: This is weird. I don't think we should be here. We should get out of here.

(Suddenly an energy ball flies at them. They scream and duck. Evil Gideon walks up to them.)

Evil Gideon: What are you doing? You're not supposed to be here.

(Paige and Phoebe look back at the portal. It closes.)

[Cut to Good Magic School. Piper sees the portal close.]

Piper: Why didn’t they come through? Where are they?

Gideon: I don’t know. (Piper takes panicked breath. She puts a hand around her stomach and goes toward a chair.) Easy Piper. Try to relax. (Piper sits down.) We wouldn’t want you to go into premature labor now, would we?

(He looks at Wyatt.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Evil Magic School. Phoebe, Paige, and Evil Gideon are there.]

Evil Gideon: You have no idea what you’ve done. Just by coming here, you may have thrown both worlds irreversibly out of balance.

Paige: Okay, well, doesn’t killing us sort of do that, too?

Evil Gideon: Don’t be ridiculous. If I wanted to kill you, I would have. I was just, caught off guard.

Phoebe: Well, you need to relax there, tiger.

Evil Gideon: It’s a different world, Pheebs. One filled with distrust, even amongst allies.

Phoebe: I don't understand. Where are your Paige and Phoebe?

Evil Gideon: Out looking for your Leo and Chris. They were supposed to bring them back here.

Phoebe: Well, your Leo and Chris are at our magic school waiting to be rescued. (Evil Gideon puts a hand on Phoebe’s shoulder.) Yes.

Paige: Okay, this is just one big mess. What happened to the whole yin-yang business?

Evil Gideon: It's been thrown off, possibly as a result of the exchange of Leo and Chris. Two worlds that mirror each other when they're in balance. And they no longer are.

Paige: Okay, if it's already bad, what's gonna happen now that we're here?

Evil Gideon: With both sets of sisters on the same side, the balance is dangerously at risk. We have to work quickly to correct it.

Phoebe: If you are suggesting a plan, don't. We've got it covered. You don't worry about it. We need to find his Piper.

Evil Gideon: If you do, she’ll probably kill you. She’s evil, remember, and she’s got a terrible temper, worse when she’s pregnant.

(Phoebe and Paige shake their heads.)

Phoebe: Yeah, that's not much different in our world. Trust us, we can handle it.

Paige: Yeah.

Evil Gideon: Your instincts are right to distrust me. I am evil, after all. But we both want the same thing.

Paige: Okay, well there’s a little problem with that because your girls didn’t uphold their end of the bargain. They did not find our guys.

Evil Gideon: But you will. You know them, know how they think.

Phoebe: Okay, so we’re gonna bring you your Chris and Leo, and then what/

Evil Gideon: You’ll have our Piper for a Power-of-Three spell. She’ll know it’s the only way to get her men back. And if you encounter your counterparts, be careful. They will kill you.

(Paige and Phoebe orb out.)

[Scene: Prescott Street. Rats are on trashcans. Broken cars are in the streets. There are unkempt and dirty yards around the houses with trash littering in the streets. People yell at each other. A man steals a purse. The other neighbors ignore it. Paige and Phoebe duck out from behind an abandoned car. They look around.]

Paige: Okay, this place isn’t just evil, it’s ugly.

Phoebe: Oh, I don’t think they’re home. And I don’t wanna go in there to find out.

Paige: Charmed Ones working for evil. Who would’ve thunk it? Well, I’m with ya, especially after Gideon’s little warning.

(A kid rides by on a bike and breaks a car window with a metal rod.)

Phoebe: Hey!

Paige: I don’t think Chris and Leo would’ve gone into that house either.

Phoebe: Maybe they went to see Darryl like their evil counterparts did. I think we should talk to Darryl.

Paige: I don’t think if Darryl wants to talk to us in the good world, he’s not gonna wanna talk to us in the evil world.

(A neighbor walks out with a dog. The dog barks at Phoebe. She and Paige see an advertisement on a taxi roof: “Ask Phoebe. Read me…or else.)

Phoebe: Maybe he will, if he thinks we’re them.

Paige: Okay, I really think we need to get out of here.

(Paige takes out her cell phone.)

Phoebe: What’re you doing?

(She dials.)

Paige: I wanna see if this works in the parallel world. Ah! It does. (Into the phone) Hi, can I have Lieutenant Morris, please?

Voice: Hey! (They look over and see the Evil Patrol Officer walking to Evil Mrs. Noble.) Lady, you want me to give her a second citation, it’s gonna cost ya.

Evil Mrs. Noble: Why, you greedy son of a…haven’t I given you enough already?

Evil Patrol Officer: Hey, don’t give me that!

(He pushes her down.)

Phoebe: Hey, leave her alone!

(He sees them walking toward him and starts backing away.)

Evil Patrol Officer: I, uh, I wasn’t really gonna give you that citation.

(He leaves. Phoebe helps Evil Mrs. Noble up. She sees her and screams and runs away.)

Phoebe: Wow. We must be some bad ass witches in this world.

Paige: Yeah. Remember that for when we meet up with bad ass Darryl.

[Scene: P3. It’s now a strip joint. Evil Darryl sits on a seat getting a lap dance from a girl. Paige and Phoebe walk in.]

Paige: Well, it looks like everybody’s enjoying themselves.

Phoebe: Including Darryl. Ugh. Okay, juts remember, we’re used to this.

Paige: Right. Think mean. Think nasty.

(They walk toward Darryl. A man walks up to Paige. She pushes him down. They walk to Darryl. Phoebe clears her throat. Some officers block them.)

Evil Darryl: (To officers) It’s all right. Let ‘em through. (To Paige and Phoebe) I knew you’d show up sooner or later.

Phoebe: How’s Sheila?

Evil Darryl: (To the dancer) It’s all right, honey. I’ll be here all night. (She leaves.) Sheila who?

(He shows them his wedding ring and laughs with his buddies. They knock knuckles. Phoebe pushes Evil Darryl backwards She grabs a beer bottle, breaks it off, then puts it to Evil Darryl’s throat.)

Phoebe: Leo and Chris, where are they? Where are they?!

Evil Darryl: Last time I saw them was at the police station. Me and my boys were trying to give Chris what he deserved. But Leo orbed him away. I’ve never seen him run from a fight before.

Paige: Where’d they go?

Evil Darryl: If I knew, do you think I’d be here waiting for you? Where you been anyway? Undercover in the Underworld?

Phoebe: Why?

Evil Darryl: Bright, happy colors? Not exactly your style. Get away from me. I don’t want Sheridan to see me with you. She’s been all over my ass.

(Phoebe stands up and sees Evil Inspector Sheridan dancing on a pole.)

Phoebe: (To Evil Darryl) Don’t get up.

(She and Paige walk away.)

Paige: Now what?

Phoebe: I think maybe we’re looking at this all wrong. Maybe we all are.

Paige: Come again?

Phoebe: Well listen, if Darryl won’t help Leo and Chris because he’s evil, then they’d have to go to someone who’s good, right, to help them?

Paige: Okay, yeah, but who’s not evil here? Where are the good guys? They hiding?

Phoebe: Yeah, in the Underworld. Think about it. Reverse it. Who’s good here?

Paige: Demons.

Phoebe: Right, and if I know Leo, he would have gone after the most powerful good demon there is.

Paige: You’re right.

[Scene: Underworld. It looks like a peaceful garden. Good Barbas turns around. He’s wearing white.]

Good Barbas: I know the truth of all your hopes because I can feel your greatest hope inside here, the hope that one day to return home. (He’s talking to Leo and Chris.) Oh, and of course, your presence here gives me great hope, the hope that someplace there really is a different kind of world, a world where the greater good, the, uh, the goodness of the heart prevails.

(He walks past them, putting a hand on Leo’s shoulder.)

Chris: Is he for real?

Leo: He must be. Demon of Fear in our world must be the Demon of Hope here. (To Good Barbas) Question is, do you have enough power to send us back?

Good Barbas: Oh, alas, no, I do not, not if you were brought here by the Power of Three. But, however, hope springs eternal, so I may be able to persuade the sisters of my world to help us simply by relying on their greatest hope, the hope to reunite with your counterparts, and then, maybe… (He waves his hand over Chris’ face.) You will be able to return to your time before it’s too late as you hope.

(He begins to touch Chris, but he slaps his hand away.)

Chris: Whoa. Don't touch me.

(Paige and Phoebe orb in.)

Paige: Oh, thank god.

Good Barbas: Quickly, orb away. I will deal with them. I've done it before.

Leo: No, it's okay. They're the good ones.

Chris: Trust us. They're not evil.

(Evil Phoebe and Evil Paige walks up.)

Evil Phoebe: No, but we are.

(Evil Paige waves.)

[Scene: Good Magic School. Piper’s bedroom. Piper is lying on the bed, in labor. Mrs. Winterbourne is there too.]

Mrs. Winterbourne: Breathe, dear, in long, out short. One in…three short. (She demonstrates.) In…three short.

Piper: Where are my sisters?

Mrs. Winterbourne: Gideon's trying to find them, dear. Just try to focus on the breath. In…

(Gideon walks in.)

Gideon: What happened?

Mrs. Winterbourne: Her water's broke. She needs to get to a hospital.

Piper: Did you find them?

Gideon: No, not yet, but you can't wait any longer. It's not safe. (To Mrs. Winterbourne) Go. Hurry.

(She nods.)

Piper: Somebody has to stay with Wyatt.

(Gideon looks over at Wyatt in his playpen.)

Gideon: Don't worry. I'll take care of him.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Mirror World Underworld. Continues from before. Everyone’s staring at Evil Phoebe and Evil Paige.]

Phoebe: Nice knuckles. Brass?

Evil Phoebe: No, Tiffany’s.

Paige: Ooh, what a waste of a nice blue box.

Evil Paige: What’d you say, witch?

Phoebe: Okay look, we didn’t come here to fight. We just came to get Leo and Chris.

Evil Phoebe: Well, so did we.

Paige: Fine. You give us ours, we’ll give you yours.

Evil Paige: Right. Like we can trust you. You’re good.

Phoebe: Wait, you can’t trust us? Who are the evil ones here?

Good Barbas: Come on, ladies. Have some hope. We can work this out peacefully.

Phoebes: Shut up!

Paiges: Shut up!

Evil Paige: We’ll take care of you later.

Phoebe: Psst. (Both Phoebes and Paiges turn around, their back toward the other.) (To Paige) Okay, we’re gonna have to make a move because the longer the worlds are out of balance…

Evil Phoebe: The worse the damage is.

Evil Paige: We have to get everyone back to where they belong.

Paige: Problem is, there’s no talking to those witches. I wish I could just vanquish them.

Evil Phoebe: Me, too, but that’ll really screw up the balance. We’re gonna have to settle for…

Phoebe: Knocking them out so we can get Leo and Chris outta here.

Evil Paige: Good. We’ll orb out and grab them…

Paige: From behind.

Phoebe: Perfect.

(Both Paiges and Phoebes turn around. Paige and Phoebe orb out and Evil Paige and Evil Phoebe black orb out. The orbs hit each other in mid air, sending each pair of sisters back, landing and reforming. They all stand up.)

Evil Phoebe: That sucked.

Phoebe: (To Paige) All right. I’ll take mine, you take yours.

(Phoebe and Evil Phoebe step away. Evil Paige conjures a Darklighter crossbow. Paige gasps. Evil Paige fires at her.)

Paige: Arrow! (The arrow orbs out. Evil Paige fires again.) Arrow!

(The arrow orbs out.)

[Cut to Phoebes. They are fighting, matching each other’s moves.]

[Cut to Paiges. Evil Paige fires again.]

Paige: Arrow!

(The arrow orbs out. Evil Paige tosses the crossbow aside.)

Paiges: Rock!

(They each orb a rock and throw it toward each other.)

Leo: Look out! (He, Chris, and Good Barbas duck as the rocks smash in mid-air. It falls down in the center.) This is nuts. No one can win. They’re too evenly matched.

Chris: Well, they think alike.

Paiges: Boulder!

(They orb a large rock. Leo, Chris, and Good Barbas run and take cover behind a group of rocks. The boulders explode on impact.)

Leo: We don’t have time for this. I gotta get back to Piper. We gotta get you home.

Chris: When Gideon said something can go wrong with the portal, I don't think he knew how wrong.

Good Barbas: You said Gideon?

Chris: Yeah. Why?

Good Barbas: Because just maybe he did know how wrong it could go.

[Scene: Piper’s bedroom. Gideon and Wyatt are there. Gideon walks to his playpen. Wyatt puts his force field on.]

Gideon: That won’t protect you for long, my boy. Not for long.

(Gideon puts his hands on the shield and bolts of electricity shoot from his palms. Gideon orbs himself and Wyatt out of the bedroom.)

[Scene: Mirror World Underworld. Phoebe and Evil Phoebe are still fighting.]

[Cut to Paiges.]

Paiges: Boulder!

(They throw the boulders at each other and they explode.)

Leo: What do you mean? Gideon is after Wyatt?

Good Barbas: He was desperately hoping to eliminate Wyatt.

(Phoebes are still fighting. They fall to the ground. Paige and Evil Paige finally give up and walk over to the other. Their cell phones ring. They pull them out.)

Paiges: It's Piper. (They answer their phones.) Hello?

Piper: (from phone) Where the hell are you? I'm in labor, for Christ's sakes. Get your ass down here.

Phoebes: Is she okay?

Paiges: She's in labor.

Piper: (from phone) Who's that? You've got an echo. What the hell is going on?

Paiges: I'm on my way.

(They hang up. Leo, Chris, and Good Barbas stand up.)

Paige: We have to go get Piper.

Leo: And Wyatt.

[Scene: Attic. Gideon is by the Book of Shadows, casting a spell.]

Gideon: "Wanton powers in this blade, yield, penetrate that which would shield." (An athame is above him. It glows. He takes it and goes over to Wyatt, who’s sitting in the middle of the carpet with his force field on. The athame touches the shield and it powers down.) I’m truly sorry, but this is for the greater good.

(The athame orbs out of Gideon’s grip and orbs back in, stabbing him. Gideon screams in pain. He pulls the athame out and goes to strike Wyatt, but feels a lot of pain. He hears chanting.)

[Cut to Mirror World. Manor. Attic. Evil Gideon puts down the athame as both sets of Phoebes and Paiges are chanting a spell. Leo and Chris are there.]

Phoebes/Paiges: “We call upon ancient lore to punish with the power of four, strike down this threat from both there and here, make him suffer, then disappear."

(Gideon black orbs out. Evil Wyatt sits on the floor crying.)

Phoebes: Wyatt, thank god.

(Both Phoebes take a step forward. They stop. Phoebe backs up and Evil Phoebe goes over to pick up Evil Wyatt. Chris and Leo walk into the attic.)

Evil Phoebe: (To Evil Wyatt) Did you give that bad man Gideon those wounds?

Evil Paige: It looks like Wyatt can handle himself.

(Leo picks up the athame.)

Leo: Yeah, but for how long? Gideon's one of the most powerful Elders. If he wants him dead, he'll find a way.

Chris: I can't believe it was Gideon all along.

Leo: And he's still out there. If he wasn't vanquished here, he wasn't vanquished in our world, either.

Paige: So what we need to do is get everybody back in the right place.

Paiges: Yeah, fix this whole nutty balance…

Paige: Balance…

Paiges: Thing.

Paige: I'm with ya.

Leo: The problem is we don't have the Power of Three to open the portal.

Phoebe: No, but we do have…

Evil Phoebe: The Power of Four.

(Paige and Evil Paige go to the wall. Evil Paige gives Paige a thick piece of white chalk. They start drawing the triquetra.)

[Scene: Magic School. Gideon’s study. Gideon and Evil Gideon are healing themselves.]

Gideon: At least we're still alive.

Evil Gideon: Only because we barely made it back here in time.

Gideon: Still, we healed each other and we can try again, especially now that we can breach Wyatt's shield.

Evil Gideon: But the sisters know about us now. Worse, the imbalance has caused a shift in both worlds.

Gideon: Which we should be able to use to our advantage to distract them whilst we complete our task. We created the imbalance. We should be able to repair the shift, and when we do, we'll make sure that the sisters forget everything.

(Evil Gideon leaves.)

[Scene: Manor. Attic. The portal opens and Leo, Chris, Paige, and Phoebe come through. Wyatt’s on the floor.]

Leo: There's my brave little guy. Quick, the portal's closing. We gotta get their men back through.

Chris: I'll get 'em.

(Chris orbs out. Leo picks up Wyatt.)

Leo: Hey, buddy. I got ya.

Phoebe: Okay, so if Evil Piper's in labor, that means our Piper must be, too. We gotta get to the hospital.

Paige: Okay, we have to get the bag.

(They leave.)

[Cut to front door. Paige and Phoebe step out. They see the sun shining, the sky clear, and a beautiful rainbow over it. The streets are clean. Children play nearby. The neighbors and workers on the street wave to the sisters.]

Worker: Hey, there! How're you doing?

Paige: Okay, this is really strange.

Man: Hi, neighbor!

(Mrs. Noble is nearby.)

Mrs. Noble: Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo, ladies! Yoo-hoo! (She goes over to them.) I've been waiting for you.

Phoebe: Mrs. Noble. Hi. I was just coming out to move the car.

Mrs. Noble: Oh, I know. You're a busy, busy, busy girl!

Paige: Yeah, see, it's our sister Piper. She's in labor, and we're all a little crazy.

(The Patrol Officer and some neighbors come up to them.)

Phoebe: And I won't park there again, I promise.

Patrol Officer: That's right. I know you won't. (He takes out his gun and shots Phoebe. She falls back and Paige catches her.) Wrongs must be righted.

Paige: Help!

Mrs. Noble: Have a super day!

Paige: Help?! (Phoebe is on the ground.) Help! Somebody, help! (The Patrol Officer walks away.) Please, someone! (Mrs. Noble leaves.) Someone, help! Please, someone?! Someone?! Help! Someone, help! Leo?! Leo?! (An ice cream truck pulls up.) Someone, help! Please, someone?! Leo?!

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